07 March 2007

my children are driving me insane

Okay, I really don't want this to turn into the "My Children Are Driving Me Insane" blog, but it's hard to avoid it on the days when you would sell your children on the black market for enough cash to get a full body massage and a meal cooked by someone else. Someday, I will return to writing Posts With Substance, but today is not that day. Today, my children are driving me insane.

To be fair, I should specify that it is Evan driving me insane. I do get annoyed with James crying that Evan is hitting him or biting him, but Evan is ultimately the source of those problems. And Evan... what can I really say that will fully impress upon my readers the horrors of living with a toddler deep in the throes of the terrible twos, one who is prone to screaming, hitting and biting, one who wakes at ungoldy hours of the morning, piercing the darkness with banshee-like wails?

Most mornings we have the first screaming fit before 8am. What makes him scream? Well, your guess is as good as mine. It changes day to day. For example, today he asked me for a banana. Okay, I said, and got him a banana. Then: "NOOO!!! I want baby banana!" Okay, I said, and found the smallest banana I could find. "This baby banana?" "NOOO!!! I want baby banana!!!" Okay, I said, and asked him to show me which was the baby banana. At this he threw his head back and started crying. "NOOO!!! I want magic baby!"

Whatever that means.

Then there are the times he starts screaming and crying for no reason, at least no reason you can determine. At least three times a day we have the following conversation:

Me: Evan, what's wrong?
Evan: I cryin'.
Me: Why are you crying?
Evan: I sad.
Me: Why are you sad?
Evan: I cryin'.
Me: Why are you crying?
Evan: I sad.

Etcetera, etcetera.

Today I'm far more tired than usual, due to being jolted into consciousness before 7am by lots of shrieking. Evan is clearly overtired as well, and when the two of us are both overtired it does not make for a pleasant day for anyone. James was so easy in this regard -- always so good-natured -- that I'm still figuring out how to deal with a child who is so much more like myself (ie, moody and cranky). So please indulge my self-pitying complaining post -- if you've read this far I congratulate you -- and one day we will return to our regularly scheduled blogging, when I will write about interesting things.


karen said...

I know it's not funny, but I couldn't help laughing outloud as I read this =0) I'm afraid that if I have children, this is how they will behave, since this is how I treated Mom and Dad. My favorite response, "Those aren't the choices!" I had no idea what I DID want, but whatever they were offering wasn't it!

Sorry =0(

You're always welcome to run away to colorado... =0)

Hang it there!

ooh, and you inspired me to start my own blog - http://schmidtkes.blogspot.com ...

Jay said...

Too bad 2 year olds don't understand the concept of "circular reasoning."

Emily said...

I'm sorry, but I was cracking up. Sometimes you just can't win with a 2 year-old. Hope your day gets better!

kim said...

Ugh. Hang in there - it will eventually get better. At least he's sleeping through the night now, right?

Jessica Chase White said...

Heidi, this post had me in hysterics -- Evan is soooo much like Kasia!

Unfortunately, I can't say it gets any better. The terrible twos last well into the tweens for "spirited-sensitive" kids. Just last Sunday, I was driving with Kasia and Avery, and Kasia started sceaming like she was being swarmed by killer bees, totally out of the blue. It startled me, and I thought something was wrong with Avery (Kasia occasionally screamed like this when they spat up as babies). When I finally got her to calm down and tell me what was the matter, she sputtered, "The car is...rolling!" Um, that's what cars DO!

Anonymous said...

I can really relate to your experience. I have twin two year olds and an eight year old. Tonight, Max, one of my two year olds said to me, "I'm crying". Why are you crying, I said. I want pillow. There were 5 pillows immediately around him. When I pointed this out, he started shrieking at 5000 decibels and would not quit. I could not locate my ear plugs. I felt as if I was, at that moment, transforming into Freddie Krueger. Luckily, my wife appeared before the transformation was complete and I was able to step outside. My ears are still ringing. I think Max has given me permanent hearing damage, and I'm not joking. I hope he grows out of this soon.