28 February 2007

i get a c-minus in domesticity

I like to call myself a professional mama, and I say that my profession encompasses several other occupations, such as chef, nanny, seamstress (I mended three items while watching a movie a few nights ago so I can now officially add this to my resume), and housekeeper. Now, I think it's pretty common knowledge that I'm a terrible housekeeper, but I've always tried to pretend otherwise. I mean, we've managed to keep most lethal diseases at bay, there are usually clean dishes to eat from and clean clothes to wear, and once you learn to step around and over the toys littering the living room floor, it's almost as if they're not there. Today, though, I came to a realization that, if I were actually being paid for my housekeeping skills, I'd have been fired long ago.

Greg came home today and started coughing when he walked in the door: "I'm... choking... on... scented... candle..." I said, "Oh, yeah, when I came home with James earlier, I noticed that it smelled funny in here, so I lit a candle." By the way, I came home with James around noon, and Greg walked in the door just before six. Greg asked, "What was the smell? The recycling?" I forgot to take the recycling out on Monday, and I'm pretty sure I forgot to take it out last week too, so the bin is now overflowing in the kitchen closet. In fact, half of the kitchen counter is cluttered with recyclables that are too big or heavy to stack on top of the precariously piled bin.

So I said, "Yeah, it could be the recycling, or it could also be the garbage, which is also overflowing, or maybe something spilled on the counter, or..." I trailed off as Greg just looked at me.

The point is, I smelled something funny in my house, and instead of finding the source of the odor and taking care of it, I lit a scented candle. For six hours. On top of that, as soon as I realized how ridiculous I am, instead of dealing with the odor at once, I came to the computer to sit down and write this blog post. I'm not proud of this, exactly, but I do think it's funny, if pathetic, and it's a pretty good example of how I approach pretty much everything in my life.

Now, however, I'm thinking about finding that smell and eradicating it. You know, after I make dinner. And wash the dishes. And put the kids to bed. And watch some tv. And maybe after a good night's sleep.


and rudeness said...

A good nights sleep is DEFIANTLY in order after figuring out the problem.

I am glad you decided to blog instead of tackle the problem... you always make me smile. Or bust out in uncontrollable laugher. :)

In fact... I officially relieve you of taking care of the recyclables. Hubbie can do them!

Emily said...

Lol. That's too funny, maybe because it hits a little too close to home. No one ever called me a domestic goddess, that's for sure.

Anonymous said...

just douse the house in bleach and send the kids outside to play for a few hours.

kim said...

I didn't even know you pretended to be a good housekeeper - I thought you were quite open about what a low priority that is in your life. :) I've always thought of myself as just a below average housekeeper, but your description of overflowing recyclables is so similar to my own (although I've found that if you rinse your recyclables out pretty well, you can keep them around indefinitely without a smell), that maybe I'm inching my way downwards towards terrible as well.

Jessica Chase White said...

You should give yourself a huge pat on the back for recycling -- so many people neglect to do so because of the nuisance of taking out the bin and retrieving it in the dead of winter. So, you may not be a housekeeping goddess, but you are an earth goddess, and that's more important!