It's a Jungle in Here

03 July 2007

friday tuesday photos

We interrupt your regularly scheduled blog-reading to bring you a special Tuesday photo post! Photos are on Tuesday this week because 1) I missed Friday photos last week and 2) I'll probably miss them again this week since I'll be out of town.

I managed to cross two more items off my 101 Things list (I still haven't decided on the last two things, by the way, but thank you all for your suggestions): 1) I hand-picked strawberries, made them into jam, and canned a dozen jars of jam, and it's the most delicious jam I've ever tasted, and no, I'm not biased at all. Yes, I am aware that you can buy jam in the store, and yes, I'm aware of what century we're in. I think we all know by now that if a complete stranger were to judge me based solely on my hobbies, they would conclude that I'm at least 70 years old. I know. But making jam is fun! And really, really delicious.

Anyway, moving on. The second item I crossed off my list this weekend was a visit to Chimney Bluffs State Park, and that, my friends, is what you will now see photos of.

The park is named for the crazy bluffs overlooking the lake:

There is a lovely beach hike below the bluffs, where Evan happily threw rocks into the water:

And where James happily posed for photos:

And where James also spent a lot of time climbing on things:

It was a really pretty hike, and a really beautiful day:

I'll be heading over to central NY to visit with my mom and sister and niece for a few days. Not that I ever blog that regularly, but don't expect anything for a while.

Oh! And while I'm on the subject of photos -- Yahoo is shutting down their photo site, so I've transfered all of my photos to Google. I've even uploaded recent photos (there are actually some that don't make it onto the blog) so check it out.

27 June 2007

an Evan update

I've finally figured out the cause of Evan's Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality: he's a Gemini! It's so clear now.

"Gemini...is dual-natured, elusive, complex and contradictory. On the one hand it produces the virtue of versatility, and on the other the vices of two-facedness and flightiness. ... they demand attention, admiration, and the spending on them of time, energy and money, throwing tantrums if they don't get what they want... they take danger no more seriously than anything else."

It's so Evan! Okay, so I don't really believe in astrology, and there are plenty of things in that description that I didn't quote that don't describe Evan. But I can't help thinking it would be nice to have a solid explanation for his personality, because otherwise the only thing I can come up with is that he's a nutcase. Or a toddler. Hard to tell at this point.

This is the kid who snuggled in bed with me all morning and then, minutes later, screamed at me for talking to him. This is the kid who, when asked to stop hitting or kicking or biting his brother, will look at you with the saddest expression ever and say in a tiny, pathetic voice, "But I want to hit/kick/bite James," as if I'm doing Evan the greatest injustice in the world by asking him to refrain from inflicting harm on others. This is the kid who cowered in my arms when faced with the sprinkler yesterday, and then inexplicably tried to leap out of my arms to charge the sprinkler, all fear suddenly erased.

We have managed to cut down on some of the tantrums, but he still has a strong will and a fiery spirit that I think are never going to disappear. I just hope that in time we'll learn to channel his passions into constructive expressions instead of the destructive ones he's exploring now.

In other news, he's got a gigantic bruise next to his right eye where he fell and hit something -- nobody knows what, because no one saw him hurt himself. Over the last several days it's gone from shades of gray to purple, blue, green, and now a sickly yellow. This is why I included the part about not taking danger seriously in the quote above -- I imagine he probably dove head-first into something, or lost his balance trying to climb something dangerous. He has no concept of safety or self-control, and is constantly giving me reminders to never, ever leave him unsupervised, even for a minute.

24 June 2007

99 things

So do you all remember the 101 Things in 1001 Days challenge that I was going to try to complete? Well, I'm nowhere near completing it, but I am proud to announce that I'm almost done writing the list. Yep, yesterday I managed to get up to 99 items. Some of them are kind of lame, some of them are actually going to be a challenge, and a good quarter of the list involves things I want to do before I leave Rochester, which gives me a pretty short window in which to do them. I didn't anticipate what a challenge it would be to just write the list itself, so even getting to 99 feels like an accomplishment, even with all the lame things on it.

But the exciting news is that I've already completed 3 of the things on my list!

#1: Buy suits for the boys for my sister's wedding. You've all seen the photo evidence. Done! (And that is a good example of one of the lame items on my list.)
#10: Take my children camping this summer. Done!
#40: Have a yard sale before moving. Done! (Back in May, but I can't link it because I never wrote about it on the blog for some reason.)

That's two percent! And three more items will be completed soon: clean out all of our old junk before moving, move out of this apartment, and play in a frisbee league in spring and summer. Again, the first two of those are lame items that I was going to have to do anyway, but it is hard to come up with 101 things to do.

Which is where you come in, friends. Anyone want to make some suggestions of something I should do in the next couple of years? Something random, something realistic that I might actually be able to do, something creative, something challenging? Just not something too lame -- I've come up with enough of those on my own. I'm open to pretty much anything. Two more items! That's all I need! And actually, if I get enough interesting suggestions, I might replace something boring that's already on the list.

So, fire away!

22 June 2007

friday photos

Last weekend, kind of at the last minute, we decided to go camping. We went to beautiful Letchworth State Park and did some hiking, saw some waterfalls, and did a lot of playing in the river. This was Evan's first camping trip, and aside from crying "I WAN' GO HOOOOOME!!" for about half an hour after sunset on Saturday night, he did really well. Much like James at the same age, Evan's favorite camping activity was throwing rocks in the water. In fact, that was still James' favorite activity too.

We saw thousands -- and I'm not exaggerating -- of teeny-weeny little frogs all over the riverbanks. You'd walk along the sand and every step you took would send a dozen frogs hopping out of your path. They were very easy to catch, though:

Roasting hot dogs over a campfire -- there is very little that tastes better than this:

Evan, hiking, in a rare moment when he was not begging to be carried:

James posing on a bridge:

James playing by the river. Notice the rock cliffs; apparently Letchworth is known as the "Grand Canyon of the East":

We also took a lot of pretty nature photos -- butterflies, wildflowers, frogs. It was really nice to just get away and not think about stupid frustrating apartment hunting for a couple of days. We all really enjoyed ourselves -- hopefully we'll get to do it again soon.

21 June 2007

success!

No, my success has nothing to do with apartment hunting. Stupid, frustrating, endless apartment hunting is not nearing success. No, this is about something much more important.

Yep, that's bread. But it's not just any bread. This is butternut oatmeal bread, which I baked myself, and it also happens to be the best loaf of bread I've ever baked.

I've been trying for years to bake a good loaf of bread. And when I say good, I mean edible. It's always been too dry, too moist, too dense, or too hard. I could get a good flavor but I never managed a good texture.

But now, with this recipe, and also with a few tips from a bread-baking friend of mine, I have produced a delicious loaf of home-baked bread.

Now if only I could find an apartment, I'd be truly happy.

19 June 2007

the moving situation

Notes from Melissa and Samay about my last post made me realize that I never actually explained our moving situation on the blog (or to my friends, for that matter. Sorry!). So here it is:

Greg is finishing the sixth year of his PhD work. We have lived in student housing for those six years. There is a six year time limit for student housing. Greg expects that he has another six months or so until he completes his PhD. We applied for an extension to remain in student housing for those six months. We were denied because they don't really care about our inconveniences, not when there's a waiting list a mile long for student housing. Therefore we have to look for a new apartment for our last six months here.

Then, Greg will be a doctor (not in the medical sense, of course, but I fully intend to refer to him as such) and he will score a sweet job in some idyllic place and we will move far away and live happily ever after. That's the plan, anyway.

So yeah, it sucks, getting kicked out of our wonderful apartment that we've loved pretty much without reservation for six years. To move into somewhere else where it won't even make sense to unpack everything because soon enough we'll be out again. And have I mentioned how ridiculously difficult it is to find a six-month lease? We have found ONE place that will give us a six-month lease, for $100 more per month. Sweeeet. Greg thinks subletting is a good idea; I'm skeptical.

Nevertheless, we will figure this out, because we have two months and one week until we have to be out of here. I'm just hoping we figure this out sooner rather than later.

18 June 2007

in which i use Too Many Capital Letters

So have I mentioned how much I hate apartment hunting? Because I do. I really, really hate it. I don't think I can possibly stress enough how tired I am of this. Would you like to hear all about it? I thought you might.

You may have noticed my lack of blogging lately. I'm spending a lot of time on Craigslist these days, and on pretty much any other local rental website I can find. I also scour the rental ads in the papers, and pick up the free real estate booklets from teh grocery store. I am getting to be a pro at scanning the ads; however, there's not much out there that meets our criteria. Here are our criteria:

2-3 bedrooms
storage space
within our budget (i.e., pretty frickin' cheap)
in a semi-decent neighborhood
near a semi-decent school
willing to give a short-term lease

Does that sound impossible to you? It didn't sound impossible to me when we started looking, but apparently I'm pretty naive. The one thing we really can't compromise at all is the price we can afford to pay, so we're being forced to revise all of the rest of our standards. Like, it goes without saying that we won't be living in the Beautiful Amazing Pricey Suburb, which means that James will not be going to kindergarten in one of the best school districts in the country, but instead will be going to whichever underfunded city school still has room. We won't even be living in one of the Cool Urban-by-Choice Artsy Neighborhoods. No, we'll probably end up in the Pretty Decent Neighborhood, But Don't Go Too Far North (Or East, Or West) Or It Gets Sketchy Neighborhood.

I'm pretty sure that last sentence didn't make sense, but I think you get my drift. We will be settling.

We've looked at a few places so far, and they have universally been either Too Expensive, or Too Small. Sometimes both. Correction: there was one place that's neither Too Expensive nor Too Small, but Very Far Away, which kind of equates to Too Expensive in time and transportation costs. Given all of that, we will probably end up with Too Small. That should be fun. You know, with the two growing, energetic, rambunctious boys and all.

I just keep telling myself that this will only be for six months. No matter where we end up living, no matter which school James ends up in, no matter whether I have to drive Greg to school every day, no matter what kind of freaky neighbors we end up with, no matter how small the apartment, it's only for six months. Six months. We can live with anything for just six months, right?

And then we start the apartment hunting all over again.

05 June 2007

two years

Today is Evan's second birthday. My second baby, my little blonde cherub, my whirling dervish, my snuggly child, my banshee, my unpredictable, uncontrollable, charming, loving, darling baby boy.

I feel like, in many ways, this has been the Evan Blog, chronicling his growth and development as well as my challenges and difficulties in raising a child so much like me in some ways, so I won't write much. It's hard for me to put this love for him into words anyway.

We had a small birthday party on Sunday, for which I made a Totoro cake:

Evan's very excited about a new sand digger from Aunt Kim and Uncle Jon:

And he's already been having a lot of fun with the caterpillar tunnel Aunt Ren and Uncle Mike gave him:

And here are the boys enjoying a new book from Grandma:

It's hard to believe we're at two years already. In some ways it feels like the time has just flown by, but in other ways it seems we've only just begun.

Happy birthday, Evan!

04 June 2007

BREAKING NEWS

My five-and-a-half-year-old has a LOOSE TOOTH.

I don't know what it is about this development, but I am suddenly feeling incredibly old. Yet I'm also really excited for him. I remember really liking losing my teeth as a kid, what with all the tooth-wiggling and the tongue-playing and the gaping holes. So this is fun. About four times a day we have the following conversation:

Me: James, how's that tooth?!
James: Wigglier!

And then he will usually run over to wiggle the tooth for me, and show me just how wiggly it is now.

He's also coming up with all of these crazy scenarios, like "What if I'm playing outside and I fall on my face and my tooth falls out and I swallow it?" And after hearing stories from my mom and Greg he's slightly afraid to eat anything crunchy. But clearly, despite these worries, a loose tooth is still a very cool thing.

For me, this is another one of those "My little boy is growing up!!!" moments. I was just not ready for this to happen so soon. He's only five! I mean, first it's a loose tooth, next he's in kindergarten, and pretty soon (to borrow from Ryan) he'll be getting his driver's license and leaving for college, and why doesn't anyone ever tell you that childhood goes by so quickly?!?!

Prepare yourselves for pictures of the gaping tooth-hole -- possibly even in time for this week's Friday photos!

01 June 2007

friday photos

Okay, I know I suck at this blogging thing lately. But instead of making excuses for myself, I will post photos!

I got all dolled up for my sister's wedding:

And my baby looked pretty angelic (and actually behaved pretty well too! No screaming during the ceremony! Well, we didn't end up having him in the church during the ceremony, but still! No screaming from the cemetery outside to disrupt the ceremony! Good job, kid!):

My handsome boys at a second wedding last weekend -- they clean up real good, huh?:

Back to the first wedding. James was in love with my sister all day, and can you blame him?:

This is how James spent much of the reception:

And this is how Evan ended up:

A shot of the wedding party (I'm next to the bride):

And a shot of my beautiful sister and my new brother-in-law:

We had a great weekend -- the weddings were lovely, the receptions were lots of fun, the weather was gorgeous, and my kids more or less behaved. Also, I got to dance with Greg! One dance, but still fun. Couldn't ask for more.

Okay, well, I would have liked more dancing with Greg, but other than that it was a pretty stellar weekend.

21 May 2007

more on the terrible twos

Greg discovered a gray hair over the weekend, at the ripe old age of 28. It probably wasn't the most sensitive thing I could have done to burst out laughing and giggle, "You're old! You're soooooo ooooooold!!" I don't know whether we should blame it on the PhD or the kids, but in my mind the most likely culprit is a blonde little whirling dervish we call Evan.

I know I write about the terrible twos a lot -- it's hard not to when they are the bane of my existence. By now, the frantic crying and temper tantrums have gone on so long that they're pretty easily ignored most of the time (which tends to make us look like horrible, neglectful parents when other people are around). That doesn't mean that they're not annoying, or that we don't want to pull our hair out when he cries for orange juice and then screams because we give him some, but we've just kind of given up on the tantrums. Okay, kid, cry on the floor for ten minutes, have fun!

Lately we're dealing with the sort of toddler behavior that requires constant supervision, which of course is a lot of fun. Things like pulling all the DVD cases off of their shelves and then pulling the DVDs out of their cases. Or pushing a chair into the kitchen to climb up onto the counter and dump powdered sugar everywhere. Or knocking every book off the shelf in his quest to find the one he wants. Or grabbing anything within reach off of the kitchen counter.

Sure, he's been doing these sorts of things with minor variations for the last year or so, but I think it's important to record this stuff so that when he's a teenager, throwing tantrums about how horrible I am, I can show him this blog and tell him it's all payback for the toddler years.

We're going to my sister's wedding this weekend, and I'm not a religious person, but I am praying to avoid any kind of tantrums, at least during the ceremony. I don't expect he'll be able to make it through the reception without screaming, or pulling on a tablecloth and bringing everything crashing to the floor, or tearing open my sister's gifts, or biting his brother, or freaking out about some terrible thing we try to make him do like sit in a high chair to eat something. Or something. There will be something. But please God, let's make it through the ceremony with no mishaps or injuries. That's all I ask.

18 May 2007

friday photos

Between feeding my Lost obsession in anticipation of next week's season finale, reading Neil Gaiman's short stories at breakneck speed, and worrying about our upcoming moves, I haven't had much time for blogging. But I do have time to post some cute photos.

James trying to hide from the camera:

Mother's Day mini-golfing:

Evan's first try at mini-golf:

The boys posing on the putt-putt course (notice James' carefully-chosen golf-pro pose):

Evan at the children's museum -- I am really into mirror shots; it seems like I'm always posting them:

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

13 May 2007

happy mother's day!

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there. May this be the one day out of the year on which your children are so wonderful that you don't desire to lock them in a closet or cover their mouths with duct tape.

My kids have made this a day to remember: James painted a picture frame at school, so now, every day I can look at the smirking face and flyaway hair of my darling firstborn. (It really is cute, but I just wish my kid could refrain from making ridiculous faces for even ONE photo.)Evan, instead of gifts, decided to surprise me by demonstrating some new talents he's learned. These include putting a DVD in the player by himself, emptying my sewing basket of its pins, throwing things in the toilet, throwing a cup of water around the living room (this was done on purpose, presumably to see how many things he could soak with water in one go), and moving a chair into the kitchen to reach the leftover Easter candy on top of the microwave and thus eat all of the jellybeans (this last one before I even managed to get out of bed this morning).

But we're going to play mini-golf, and I'm refusing to cook dinner tonight, so all in all it's not such a bad day.

Thought I'd share some mother's day links -- fun whether you're a mother or not:

The Onion's Mother's Day page
MomsRising -- a cool organization working to make life better for mothers and families, and thus, basically everyone
TV moms! Trivia, a quiz, and a list of the best tv moms.
The Mother's Day Proclamation, a pacifist hymn by Julia Ward Howe, and one of the early calls to celebrate Mother's Day in the US

Happy Mother's Day to you and your moms.

11 May 2007

friday photos

You know, I'm starting to realize what an inconvenient day Friday is for posting photos. Usually we do interesting things worth taking photos of on the weekends, so by the time I post them here they're already a week old. Which is not exactly a big deal. But, for example, tonight we're going over to the Lilac Festival, where we will probably take lots of interesting pictures (and possibly see Mike Doughty, who sings one of James' favorite songs ever: "Busting Up a Starbucks"). I suppose I could always post photos on another day of the week, but then I would lose my catchy alliteration.

Shut up already, Heidi! On to the photos!

I don't remember what James was trying to do in this photo, but I think it's funny anyway:

A hawk has taken up residence in our neighborhood. He or she is very pretty and slightly scary:

Evan, asleep on the floor with his light saber:

The boys eating ice cream on the stoop on a warm evening:

Evan likes to choose and put on his own accessories:

Also, I can't remember whether I've mentioned our whole moving situation on the blog yet, but we found out that we were not given an extension to stay in our current apartment for a few more months. So this means moving sometime this summer and then again in the fall/winter! Yay! This means James will get to attend two kindergartens! Yay! I'd say more about this situation but I'm way too excited right now about all the moving and upheaval in my future. Wait, did I say excited? I meant irritated. Really, really irritated.

04 May 2007

my first meme + friday photos

I have been tagged for my first-ever meme. At least, I think it's the first I've done on this blog. I'm too lazy to go check right now. Anyway, I like it not only because Ryan wrote it, but because it's retrospective. Look how our little Heidi has grown!

10 YEARS AGO I

1. was 15 years old. Good Lord!

2. started dating my first real boyfriend (the kind that involved more than holding hands).

3. wished that my mom wasn't so strict. I was one of the only people I knew with a curfew.

4. joined the track team -- the first sport I did in high school.

5. was still in winter guard. (I haven't thought about that in years. Wow.)

Me at 17 -- the closest I have on the computer of me at 15.

5 YEARS AGO I

1. was a new mama to Sweet Baby James.
2. was taking a semester off of school to stay home with my baby.
3. was feeling pretty lonely being the only undergraduate mother I knew.
4. was really involved in LiveJournal. That's a little embarrassing to admit, now.
5. was alternately blissful and depressed, due to the whole new mama thing.

Me five years ago

2 YEARS AGO I

1. was 8 months pregnant and hugely, ridiculously enormous.
2. had an active 3-year-old who I was preparing for nursery school and for being a big brother.
3. was over a year into my full-time stay-at-home mama career, after graduating in December 2003.
4. was really, really impatient to have my baby.
5. you know, the pregnancy was really the main thing. I was SO BIG and SO IMPATIENT.

Me, hugely pregnant two years ago

1 YEAR AGO I

1. had recently been hired as a community assistant here in my neighborhood.
2. started playing ultimate frisbee again after a year and a half of laziness and inactivity.
3. had recently resurrected my book club, which is still going strong (if not all that frequently).
4. started a myspace page because I'm SO COOL.
5. was really pretty content with how things were happening in my life.

Me with my mom and Evan a year or so ago

YESTERDAY I

1. sorted a crapload of baby clothes for our yard sale tomorrow.
2. went for a dress fitting and felt more confident that I won't look like a lavender whale at my sister's wedding.
3. made guacamole. YUM.
4. took the boys to a picnic in Greg's new building on campus (well, not his building, but the new building where he'll be working soon.)
5. baked a million mini-muffins for James' class.

TODAY I

1. assisted at James' school.
2. am ridiculously tired because I stayed up too late last night doing yard-sale prep.
3. should probably go for a run. But I might not (see #2).
4. had cereal for lunch.
5. need to do some gardening stuff.

TOMORROW I WILL

1. hold our freaking yard sale, and I will be SO GLAD when it is over.
2. go to a Cinco de Mayo party!
3. see my old friend Sean at said party.
4. hopefully sell all of our junk.
5. take everything that doesn't sell to the Salvation Army drop-boxes.

It was actually a little bit difficult to do this! Maybe because I'm so tired. But I actually had to go back through my blog archives to fill out the one-year and two-year portions of this meme. I have a terrible memory.

I don't know what to do about this tagging thing though. Karen is sick, Jessica just reviewed her last ten years in honor of her tenth wedding anniversary, Samay is lazy, and I don't know if Kim does memes. I guess that leaves Melissa and Emily. Tag! And if those of you who I excused above want to participate too, go for it! Even though I gave you rock-solid excuses not to.

01 May 2007

a conversation in lieu of a real post

[Heidi is rambling about possible career paths.]

Heidi: Maybe I should be a park ranger. I know! We could live in Yellowstone and I'll be a park ranger there. That way when the supervolcano blows, we'll be killed instantly instead of having to suffer through the aftermath for years and years.

Greg: Yeah, I can't wait to go flying through the air, being burned by hot cinders and probably suffocated by the gasses, then falling and getting smashed by gravity.

James: I don't like the dying part.

Heidi: James, what do you think Mama should do?

James: Mmmm... you should be a veterinarian.

Heidi: Oh yeah? Why should I be a veterinarian?

James: Well, you've been to the doctor a lot.

29 April 2007

reason #93512 why i love my kid

James comes in from playing outside, whimpering about a scrape on his ankle. "Mom," he says, "will you clean it and put a band-aid on it for me?" I say yes and he says, "But first let's look at it under the microscope to see if there are any germs!"

(Because on Friday I found this microscope at a garage sale and we are having a blast with it. It may very well be the best $4 I've ever spent.)

27 April 2007

baby loves disco

When I saw this article a while ago, I thought, "Hey, what a cool idea: renting out a club on a weekend afternoon to hold a dance party for kids! I wish they did this in Rochester." And that was pretty much all I thought about it until Newsweek ran this article about it recently. Then I found that a blog I read occasionally had linked to the Newsweek article, appalled by the idea*. And almost all of the comments on this blog's post were in agreement.

I found this really weird. Now, you can think whatever you like about clubbing. I like it once in a while -- I love to dance -- but I can see that some people don't like loud music, flashing lights or sticky floors. But I think the articles make it clear that Baby Loves Disco is about translating the clubbing experience into kid-friendly terms -- kids' music at a reasonable volume, kids' snacks, bubbles, balloons... it sounds to me more like a party, just held in a space made for playing music and accomodating lots of dancing people. (There is alcohol available for parents who aren't driving, but please, tell me that you could be in a room with dozens of hyperactive small children for a couple of hours and not want something to drink.)

Some of the people on the blog post I mentioned expressed concern about this sort of thing leading to early drinking or pushing kids to grow up quickly. I think critics of this idea are taking their preconceptions of nightclubs and applying them to toddlers without stopping to think that no reasonable parent is taking their child dancing at a club in order to replicate the adult clubbing experience. I'd take my kids to this type of event in a heartbeat, and I'm sure Greg would be on board, too -- I think it would be a great way for all of us to do something we enjoy, together as a family. Music, dancing, snacks, lots of other kids... it sounds like my boys' idea of heaven. Just because it's held in a place normally used for adult entertainment and recreation doesn't mean it has to have any relation to adult activities in any way other than location. Besides, who doesn't love disco balls? I'm not sure my kids have ever seen one, but I am pretty certain they'd love it.

There were a couple of parents on the blog post, too, who mentioned that the fake tattoos available at some of these parties are just going too far. That just made me laugh, because, seriously? Temporary tattoos are a negative thing? I guess I'm a worse mom than I thought, because my kids have been wearing tattoos practically forever. For them, tattoos are like stickers that don't fall off.

Anyway, I spent a while looking at the group's website this afternoon, and I'm really disappointed that nobody's doing it around here. Maybe I'll look into it for the next time we're in Seattle, because the more I read about it, the more fun I think it would be.
______________________________________
*I'm not going to link to this blog because I don't want to put up for ridicule or criticism a blog that I often enjoy reading, but happen to disagree with on this topic. You can read some people's complaints and criticisms in the two linked articles.

26 April 2007

confessions

Via Ryan, I've discovered and become hooked on True Mom Confessions*. It's equal parts fascinating, depressing, heartwarming and hilarious. Some of the confessions I really relate to, and others I'm glad that I really can't relate to. Some of them are incredibly sad or even frightening, and you wish you knew who these women were so you could get them some help.

But what's most interesting to me is seeing so many different kinds of mothers sharing so many of the same fears and insecurities. It helps to disprove the notion that motherhood and marriage are always fulfilling, or that any one style of parenting is better than any other. You can see that other mothers are making the same mistakes you are, or feeling just as inadequate. You can see that lots of mothers are tired of trying to keep up with everything, and practically every mother gets sick of her kids sometimes.

After all the articles you read telling moms everything we're doing wrong, and all the things we should be doing to turn our kids into geniuses, it's kind of nice to see that I'm not the only one who can't keep up with the expectations.
_______________________________
*And I made a confession! Nothing dark or horrifying, I'm afraid -- just something petty, but it made me feel good to actually express it.

25 April 2007

my kid is the best

On Monday we had this year's parent-teacher conference at James' preschool. It's just incredible to look at his growth over the year, and especially over the last two years. Last year at this time we still had a lot of concerns over his emotional development -- for such a bright, confident, social kid, he has always been remarkably sensitive. But in the last year he has made huge strides in learning to control his emotions (i.e., being able to talk through a problem instead of simply bursting into tears) and this year, our biggest worries are his skill with scissors and his pencil grasp, both of which are proficient but not great. I'd say that's a lot of improvement.

Some highlights from his teacher's assessment:

James is an attentive listener... eagerly participates... works independently and creatively... exhibits excellent comprehension skills... responds creatively to literature, enthusiastic about play-acting the stories we read... generally cooperative and helpful... a pleasure to have in class... a bright boy with a lot to offer.

And on his emotional development:

James shows growth in the social/emotional realm this year. He is making a variety of friends and is well-liked by all. James is making positive efforts towards negotiating and compromising with others. His ability to deal with disappointment is much improved.

I think the bit about making a variety of friends is in there because last year, there were two boys who basically carried out James' every command, followed his directions, and copied just about everything he did, and this year, one of those boys is no longer in the class, and the other spends a lot of time with a friend of his who joined the class, so James has been forced to interact with the other kids. This was actually really hard on him at first: going from leader of your own little gang to just another kid in the classroom wasn't easy for James, but he has adapted splendidly. He makes me proud.

James' teacher writes in the letter (and has pointed out to me many times) that James "knows so much about so many things it is sometimes hard to remember he is still a 5 year old boy." Each of my kids has had that issue: being so advanced in one particular area that it's startling to remember that in other areas, they are typical. With Evan, his early speech fooled us into thinking he'd be quick at everything, and that's definitely not been the case. Likewise, James' aptitude for reading, science and math has made him seem so mature that his emotional immaturity seemed unusual, when actually that aspect of his personality was more age-appropriate.

But James is growing up, maturing in every way. First Evan starts changing from a baby to a toddler, and now James is changing from a preschooler to a kindergartener. Man, these changes bring out a lot of sappy mama talk from me. But I would have to say that this is my favorite part of parenthood -- witnessing this growth and development, guiding them through these changes. This is what I love about being a mama.

20 April 2007

friday photo

Just one photo today -- now that the weather is getting nicer, and things are getting greener, the deer are coming out to munch on our lawn. The photo isn't great quality since I had to take it through the window so as not to scare the deer away, but I think you get the idea:

We've been seeing deer almost every day this week , twice right out in the backyard. So calm and peaceful and pleasant... it's actually starting to feel like spring. Thanks, April, for shaping up!

I went a little crazy at the grocery store because it's spring! And spring means almost summer and summer means delicious fresh produce. We're breaking out the grill this weekend, so I bought red and green peppers, eggplant, and mushrooms. Can't wait until the prices of asparagus and summer squash come down, because there is nothing better than grilled vegetables. NOTHING.

18 April 2007

not a baby anymore

I have said since before Evan was born that he would likely be my last (biological) baby. Natural childbirth really confirmed that in my mind. No more pregnancies and childbirth for Heidi, please and thank you.

So for a while now I've been looking forward to leaving babyhood behind. I can't tell you how glad I will be to come to the end of dirty diapers and sticky fingers and food in the hair and the interminable slowness of a toddler trying to do everything for himself. I am so looking forward to the freedom we will have when we no longer need naps and strollers and the cumbersome toddler car seat. We took a major step last week when we took down the crib. His new haircut makes him look more like a little boy, and less like a baby boy. He is really, finally growing up. At last.

Lately I've been cleaning out a lot of our old things for an upcoming garage sale. Holy crap, do we have a lot of junk. We are clearing out vast expanses of space in the basement by getting rid of the huge stroller, the baby swing, and the baby bathtub, among other things. And the clothes! We have bin upon bin of old clothes in all sizes.

So today I was sorting the clothes. Putting away James' old clothes and getting out summer clothes for Evan, besides figuring out what to get rid of. And I went through the box of 2Ts, and ohmigod are they enormous. And I could not wrap my mind around the idea that my little, tiny baby boy is actually big enough to fit into those gigantic clothes!

It got worse when I made a realization. The realization was this: if I'm not going to have any more babies in the foreseeable future, then there is no reason to hang onto the mountains of tiny baby clothes in my basement. Shocker, right? But there is something about the idea of losing those baby clothes that is just so sad to me. I am giving away my boys' tiny baby clothes and dressing my ~~baby~~ toddler in real little boy clothes.

I have been looking forward to moving ahead for so long that I never really thought about the fact that that means leaving babyhood behind forever. And this is just one of those difficult stages of parenthood, happy and sad and bittersweet all at once, equal parts mourning and relief.

My little boy, my last little boy, is growing up.

16 April 2007

a few minutes of fame in the blogosphere

There's a good handful of people who've been reading my blog for a while. If you're one of those regular readers, you must know all about the ways in which I'm psychologically damaging my sons. You must be aware that I really want daughters. Certainly you'd agree that I'm sort of "loco", possibly "delusional", and probably a little "off". It must be obvious, because some of these guys managed to draw those conclusions from reading only one of my posts!

I'm fairly amused. This is the first time, to my knowledge, that I've been linked anywhere, and it's by someone who thinks I'm crazy because once, I painted my son's nails when he asked me to; because I did not forbid him from trying on a pair of my heels when he expressed curiosity; because I entertained the idea of buying him a skirt when he asked me to.

I'm actually quite pleased at the number of people on that forum who can recognize that I love my sons, and that I'm not willing to limit their self-expression based on some arbitrarily gendered cultural guildelines for appearance. One of them also pointed out that Jesus & Co. had "a certain propensity for long skirts", to which I say, right on! If it was good enough for the savior of mankind, it's good enough for my kids!

As to the allegation that I want or need a daughter: I have been known to say that the main reason I'm sad about not having any daughters is because of the adorable, ridiculously froufrou clothes. I guess it says something incredible about my self-restraint that I do not, in fact, force my sons to wear that sort of clothing. It helps that I have a niece for whom I can buy such things if I really can't resist. Or, you know, what with me being a woman and all, I could wear them myself. But other than clothes, I don't have any reason to desire a hypothetical daughter over the wonderful sons I actually have.

So it wasn't my influence (my example, perhaps, but not my suggestion) that led to James' nails being painted. Believe it or not, my son did ask, entirely un-coerced, to wear nail polish and a skirt. He tried on my heels because they were lying out on the floor, not because I bribed him with a Gameboy. In fact, a couple of months ago, he saw a grandfather and granddaughter at the library and said, "I want my hair to look like that." I thought he meant the grandfather ("What? Why do you want gray hair?") but he actually meant the little girl's long golden braid. So we started growing his hair. And I will admit that James' ponytail was my idea -- it was my suggestion for keeping the hair out of his face all the time, and he liked my bubble-gum hair ties. But the inconvenience of growing his hair long eventually made him decide to cut his hair a few weeks ago. I was glad, though, that his decision was practical rather than gendered.

By the way, James does not own a skirt. I looked briefly last summer for something kilt-ish, but couldn't find anything I liked, and it hasn't really come up since then. Although, this morning when I went in to pick him up from preschool, he was wearing a flowered dress out of the dress-up room. So I guess it's too late for James -- the psychological damage has been done. We'll have to count on Evan to be the manly man -- but wait! Evan likes to play with dolls!! God, what have I done to these children?!

Greg looked around on the forum for a little while last night, trying to figure out who these guys were and how they'd found my site. (Believe it or not, my gender-bending post is the most frequently visited page on my blog. A lot of people reach it by Googling things like "paint his nails" or "under his skirt". I don't understand it, but I hope I can be of service.) He pointed out to me that a lot of the guys on that site are into comics. I'm a fan of certain comics, and movies made from them, but I was not above pointing out the irony of guys who like to read about guys who wear tights finding fault with a little boy's experimentation with his wardrobe and appearance.

12 April 2007

uh-oh

Yesterday afternoon, I put Evan down for a nap and sent James outside to play. Ahhh, I thought, some peace and quiet. Time to relax.

But suddenly, I heard the pitter-patter of little feet running around upstairs. Was it the neighbors' kid? (Sometimes, with the way these apartments were built, something happening next door can sound as if it's happening in your own apartment.) No, this definitely sounded like our apartment. Did we have a ghost? If so, it would be the first time I'd seen evidence of a ghost.

So I went upstairs to check it out and found Evan in my bedroom. "Wait a minute," I said, "I just put you in your crib." Didn't I? Yes, I was pretty sure I had. Had James helped him get out? No, James was outside. That left one explanation:

(Sorry the video is sideways; I don't know how to fix that. And please ignore the fact that he's not wearing pants.)

He's not even two! James slept in that crib for three years and never made it out on his own. (He tried twice: once, he got stuck on top of the railing and got scared; the other time, I freaked out and scared him saying things like, "You're going to fall and break your neck!!!" No, I'm not proud of that lack of composure, but it was effective.)

But Evan, Evan climbs out of that crib like he's been doing it every day of his life. So last night we took the mattress out of his crib, and he's now temporarily sleeping on a tiny mattress on the floor. Only, to say he's sleeping is an exaggeration. Last night he played and ran around until he collapsed. I'm dreading trying to put him down for a nap today. With Evan, I don't think this will be an easy transition.

I almost wish it had been a ghost instead. I suspect that would have been easier to deal with.

11 April 2007

goodbye blue monday

Kurt Vonnegut has died.

Any of you who know me know that I'm a huge Vonnegut fan. His books have been really influential to me, in several ways. He's among my favorite authors ever -- not just because he's written great books, but so many great books. I've dreamed of having a grandfather like Kurt Vonnegut. I thought about naming one of my sons Kurt, in no small part because of Kurt Vonnegut. And now he's dead.

I told Greg, and he said, "Well, everyone dies." I know. I guess if I'd ever thought about it, I'd have realized he'd die someday, obviously. But I guess it's always a shock when living legends die. And now I can no longer hope that he'll write another book. Now I can never hope to meet him. Not that I could ever realistically have hoped for that, but maybe I could have seen him give a speech somewhere. And now I never will.

But I'm glad that I found his books. And I'm grateful to him for his impact on my thinking. I guess it's appropriate to end my little tribute here with a Vonnegut quote, from Isaac Asimov's funeral: "Isaac is in heaven now, that was the funniest thing I could have said to a crowd of Humanists. God Forbid, should I pass on sometime, may all of you say that Kurt is in Heaven too."

If there is a heaven I'd like to believe he's there.

spring things

Not much time for blogging lately, I'm afraid. I'm going out of town this weekend (a vacation! without my boys!) for my sister's bridal shower, so out of kindness to Greg, I'm trying not to leave him with piles of unwashed laundry and dishes, or shelves and drawers completely emptied of toys and books and games.

In addition to the routine cleaning and upkeep, we've also started spring cleaning. Last night we cleaned our computer desk, which was a much lengthier task than you'd probably expect for a desk. Today I'm tackling the basement, hoping to find lots of garage sale material.

I've also been working on my 101 Things list. So far the hardest part has been coming up with 101 measurable and (hopefully) achievable goals. A few nights ago I made it up to 77 in a burst of sudden creativity, but I've stalled since then. I could take the easy way out and list things that I know I'm going to do anyway, such as buying a wedding present for my sister, or going berry picking this summer, or taking the kids to the beach or the zoo or something, but I'm trying to challenge myself a little bit, and it's more difficult than I expected to even think of the possible ways in which to challenge myself. I'm still thinking, though.

Oh, but I've decided not to post the final list here, or maybe just an amended version, because some of the things on my list involve surprises for people who read my blog, and I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise by announcing it. Or, you know, fail to actually do the surprising thing once I've said I'm going to.

Easter was kind of uneventful this year, as far as holidays go. I slept late and the boys did the basket-finding and gift-opening and candy-eating without me. I was kind of upset about that at first, but now I've realized that I've got about 37 other chances in a year to see them wild with gift-opening and candy-eating excitement, so it's not such a big deal. I wanted to post some photos, though, of what happens when you dye eggs with undiluted food coloring. First, the eggs -- the all-green eggs are the food colored eggs; the others are painted:

Lo and behold, when I peeled the first green egg:

They were the most beautiful eggs ever:

And they made crazy-looking egg salad:

The crazy blue-green eggs kind of made up for missing the Easter festivities. That, and the leftover candy. So it's all okay.

06 April 2007

friday photos

Special haircut edition.

05 April 2007

an open letter to the month of april

Dear April,

I wanted to say thanks for the great time we had earlier this week. You took over right where March left off, and you were mild, sunny, and beautiful. The boys and I spent hours and hours playing outside on the playground and in the sandbox. It was so nice to feel like we were finally leaving winter behind. I made fruit smoothies for James' preschool class and we could sense summer in the air, on its way. I thought we were showing suitable appreciation for your kindness.

But then. Something happened. What happened, April? My frisbee league started last night and I should have been running around in shorts and short sleeves, but instead I was squinting against the raging wind, huddling in three layers against the snowflakes beginning to fall. I have to admit, it's nice to be able to run around playing frisbee for an hour without feeling like you're sweating... but that feeling was much nicer in October, when I was expecting it. I wore my winter hat last night!

How does that rhyme about you go, April? "April showers bring May flowers"? Right. Well, then, what do April blizzards bring? Lizards? Gizzards? Obviously, nothing pleasant. I prefer the flowers.

My neighborhood is having an Easter Egg hunt on Saturday, April, and we aren't really keen on the idea of hiding those eggs in snowbanks. My sources tell me you're not yet ready to change your mind and lighten up, but I do hope you'll consider the feelings of all of us who depend on you for relief after the long winter.

Hugs and kisses,
Heidi

02 April 2007

what have i done?!

Apparently I wanted to start the week off in the most depressing way possible. What did I do this morning? I cut my baby's hair. His angelic golden curls, while torture to drag a comb through, were so beautiful. And now they have been chopped off. By me. He used to look like this:

But now he looks like this:

Now he looks like every other little chubby blonde boy out there. On the plus side, people will now know he's a boy. (You'd be amazed how many people think golden curls only exist on girls!) But. Those curls. Gone.

I. CUT. My little boy's curls. I miss them so much! It's going to take me a while to get used to this.

30 March 2007

friday photos

If you were to come to our house, this would greet you on our front stoop.

James, on a recent trip to the cool playground.

Evan, riding Clifford the Big Red Dog.

Evan in a playground tunnel.

Evan, in the infamous spaceship box.

Crocuses in my garden! At least I think they're crocuses. I'm not a botanist.

29 March 2007

baby's first knock-knock joke

Evan told his first ever knock-knock joke today. And his second! (Of course, you need to imagine this all in a sweet little baby voice, without pronouncing Rs or Ls.)

E: Knock knock!
Me: Who's there?
E; Toilet!
Me: Toilet who?
E: Toilet bathroom!

And then:

E: Knock knock!
Me: Who's there?
E: Toilet bathroom!
Me: Toilet bathroom who?
E: Toilet bathroom in your pocket!

And that's where I put an end to it. Probably my least favorite thing about having a second child is that everything is accelerated. He's making up knock-knock jokes before he's two! (And they're about as good as the ones James made up when he learned about knock-knock jokes when he was three or so.) But he's also picking up on the dreaded "bathroom talk" (as they call it at James' school, where it is very popular, perhaps because it is so sternly frowned upon) before he's two. That's not something we need.

But, you know what? I laughed. Because, as the mother of two boys, I can't not think bathroom humor is funny at least some of the time, because otherwise I'd go nuts.

By the way, today is, so far, a much better day than yesterday.

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