So I was driving James to school this morning, and in front of the hospital, some guy steps off the sidewalk right in front of my car. The combination of that idiocy, plus the fact that he was carrying a bunch of anti-abortion posters, made me briefly consider not hitting the brakes, but I did have a child in the car with me and a hit-and-run would have been a little difficult to explain.
One of the signs he was carrying featured the word GENOCIDE (in huge letters just like that). That whole anti-abortion approach just makes me so angry. So minorities have a number of abortions disproportionate to their percentage of the population -- the right-wingers take this to mean that Planned Parenthood and the like are encouraging minorities to abort in some kind of genocidal eugenics attempt. Because the left has always been associated with white supremacy, right? They like to bolster that argument with selected quotes about eugenics from Margaret Sanger, even though she has been dead for forty years and therefore no longer really represents the pro-choice movement.
If you're worried about the disproportionate amount of abortions women of color are having, wouldn't it make more sense to find a constructive way to solve that problem, rather than waving your inflammatory posters outside the local hospital? Instead of fabricating a left-wing genocidal conspiracy theory, couldn't you consider other, more realistic reasons why minorities have so many abortions? It couldn't be because race and class are so intertwined, and minorities are more likely to be poor, therefore less likely to be able to care for an unplanned child, could it? It couldn't be that there's still a racial hierarchy in this country, that, though less obvious than outright slavery, still puts people of color at a disadvantage, could it?
But the people spouting the genocide argument are the same people who believe that pro-choice equals pro-abortion, who believe that Planned Parenthood is in it for the money (never mind that sliding scale business), who believe that they are more qualified to make judgments about a woman's situation and circumstances than that woman is. It's not an entirely rational wing of the anti-choice movement, so I guess it's silly of me to expect people like that to really think about the issues behind their posters.
20 September 2006
looking for answers instead of placing blame
17 September 2006
books, glorious books
If you've read the post below, you'll recall that yesterday did not get off to a wonderful start. I was in kind of a bad mood for most of the morning, so by the time afternoon rolled around, I decided I needed something to cheer me up -- and that something must not involve my children, the source of my (temporary) misery. So I went shopping.
Most women -- stereotypically -- get psyched about shoe shopping, or clothes shopping, or make-up or whatever. Me, I get excited by thrift stores, cooking stuff (I have a list a mile long of items I need to improve my kitchen), and food shopping (seriously, I love grocery shopping, especially when my kids are not with me), but most of all by books. And among bookstores, my favorite ever is a narrow, creaky, crowded little book-lover's paradise, crammed to the ceiling with used books, tucked away in the back of a building on a main street downtown.
Now, really, even going to a bookstore and browsing without buying is enough to lift my mood. I really didn't intend to buy anything! But I came home the happy owner of 6 gently-used books. It was so hard to choose; I could easily have bought twice as much as I did. I left behind books by Toni Morrison, Amy Tan, The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon, The Time-Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffeneger, Family Matters by Rohinton Mistry, books by Vonnegut and Bill Bryson.
So what did I buy? In no particular order:
- A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolf
- Lord of the Flies by William Golding
- The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy
- Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer
- The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood
- Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
A lack of disposable income causes me to be a conservative book shopper -- I tend to buy only books I've read before and loved, or I buy classics that I think I should probably have read by now, but I somehow missed in all of my high school and college English classes. So it's nice when I find used books in good condition and pay a fraction of the price I'd pay if buying them new. (In this case, $75 worth of books are mine for just $30.)
And this morning I played two ultimate frisbee games, so I'm not up for much other than sitting around and reading and relaxing tonight. Perfect. Today, I am happy.
16 September 2006
anybody want a baby?
So, Evan has decided not to sleep anymore. At night, anyway. His naps during the day are better than ever, but at night he's waking up more frequently than he's done in months. Greg and I are both getting up at least twice a night, and usually, around 5 or 6am, Evan ends up in our bed with us because we're too tired by that point to spend the time properly getting him back to sleep. But Evan doesn't sleep well in our bed either; he tosses and turns and climbs on us. The advantage is that at least we can stay horizontal; the downside is that Evan is free to leave our bed whenever he's ready to be up, which is usually in the 6:30-7am range, and he usually ends up waking James before James would normally wake up on his own.
As a result of this happening all week, I've slipped into Bad Mama mode. When Evan crawls out of bed, I don't follow. I'm so happy to have a few moments without him needing something that almost every morning this week, I've slept while my boys were up and awake. This has mostly been fine -- they get up, play together, watch some TV, and eventually wake me with calls for breakfast. But this morning, Evan, who has recently learned to climb up on the dining room chairs to reach the table, found the container of granola that I had carelessly left on the table. So of course, Evan opens the container and dumps the entire thing, on the table, the chairs, the floor, and, of course, himself. And into the butter, which I also left on the table last night. So I get up this morning, groggy, bleary-eyed, sleep-deprived after a night of frequent risings, and have to immediately clean the dining room while the kids are bleating for breakfast. Needless to say, I'm not a happy camper this morning.
So, if you've recently found yourself wanting a cute, cuddly baby, to play with, to hug and kiss, and to delight you with his ... rambunctious ... antics, drop me a note. I've got an offer for you.
15 September 2006
friday photos
I don't know why James doesn't open his eyes for photos anymore. He also does the weird huge grin you see above. Regardless of how he looks, though, he's really, really happy in this photo, because this was taken on his first day of nursery school, which was Wednesday.
This is how James pretends to be R2D2. He has expressed interest in being a robot for Halloween, so I think we're all set now.*
This is one of the crazier things I've ever seen happen in my kitchen: a fight between a spider and a half-dead bee. That's the spider on the bee's rear end (click on the photo for a bigger version), trying to spin him up and secure his meals for the next year or so. The bee was really weak, and feebly crawling around, but finally he broke free of the spider's sticky grasp and hobbled off to safety. (I think I inadvertantly assisted him by taking this photo, because I had to move a bottle of lotion to take it, and I think the web was attached to the lotion.) At that point the bee promptly fell off the windowsill into my sink full of soapy water and drowned. Poor little guy.
I feel a little embarrassed sharing the state of my kitchen like this -- it's just a few cobwebs in the corners of the window! Really! We're not that gross! -- but this was just too cool not to share. I'm disappointed that the spider didn't get him, because she was tough! And she was working really hard. But it was still cool to watch.
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*No, I'm not actually going to dress my kid up in a laundry basket and call it a Halloween costume.
11 September 2006
five years ago today
Where were you when you heard the news?
I was riding the bus to work when I heard the bus driver telling another passenger that an airplane had hit one of the twin towers. I dismissed it as some kind of crazy accident, and didn't think about it much. It was unusual for a driver to have the radio on, but I didn't think much about that either. I was almost six months pregnant with an unplanned baby, trying to cope with that as well as going to school and working part-time, so if I was a little preoccupied and self-centered, I did have my reasons.
When I got to work -- I was working at the Educational Technology Center on campus that semester -- all of the TVs in the ETC and the adjoining Multimedia Center were tuned to the news. Everyone was sitting around, just watching. During my bus ride the second tower had been hit. I was restless and didn't understand the scope of things at that point; I felt like I should be working, and asked my boss what I could do, but she said no one needed to work today.
Classes were cancelled for the rest of the day, and I don't really remember what I did after I left work. At that time we were spending a lot of time at the house on Raleigh Street where some of our friends were living. I remember watching the news there; I remember they had marked September 11th on their calender as "a day that will live in infamy".
Being the simple-minded pacifist-type that I am, it took me a while to understand the enormity of the event. I mean, terrorist attacks happen all the time, all over the world; it took an attack on our own soil to make Americans sit up and take notice. Do Americans know the date of a single terrorist attack on another nation? But the date of 9/11 is known all over the world. It was our generation's Pearl Harbor. But the "enemy" this time was much more elusive.
I had an online journal then, and I remember quoting the musical Rent in one entry: "The opposite of war isn't peace; it's creation." I was scared to be having a baby at a time when our country was in such emotional chaos; when an attack on civilians made people more concerned with revenge than justice; when there was so much anger where I thought there should have been sorrow instead. Friends started emailing me jokes about "towelheads"; I felt very alone in being a proponent of peace and justice at that time.
Five years later, my world is much different than it was then. I have two beautiful boys who are the center of my world (who I'm already trying to teach the value of peace). Yet our country is still mired in a war in the middle east -- does anyone really know what it's for anymore? The government gives optimistic reports but the media, the soldiers, other nations tell things a little differently.
I'm not going to get political, because I don't have the energy. But I do wonder when and how -- sometimes if -- it will all end. I worry about what the future holds for my boys. What will the world look like when they are men? Will 9/11 still have the same importance in 20 years? Will it be an isolated event from the days before we wiped out terrorism, or will there have been other, bigger, deadlier attacks by then? I don't think about these things often. Most days I just live my life, play with my boys, and enjoy myself, because if I do give in to these wonderings, it's just too scary.
What about you? Thoughts. reflections, experiences? Where were you five years ago today?
08 September 2006
friday photos
Earlier this week, we went to the zoo in Syracuse, where my boys got some close-up views of some big cats:
The lion reminded me of something I overheard a woman saying at the Rochester zoo once; she was telling her friend that they must drug the animals, because they just lay around, they never do anything. That made me laugh at the time -- was she really expecting the Arctic wolves to entertain her on a 90-degree day in July? -- but with the lion at the Syracuse zoo, I wasn't so sure. She looked practically comatose, and despite James and other kids cavorting in front of her, I'm not sure I even saw her blink. But then, maybe she's just so used to kids cavorting in front of her window that it's just not all that interesting anymore. The other two lions in the enclosure were a bit more animated, however, with the male attempting to mate and the female crankily rebuffing him.
In other news, I got my first-ever door-to-door Jehovah's Witnesses today! This time, unlike with the Mormons who came to my door a few years ago, I did not allow them to enter my house or hypnotize me with their unblinking eyes. To their credit, these women were much more subtle -- and much less creepy -- than the Mormons; they never actually said they were Jehovah's Witnesses, and they didn't try to convert me. They were passing out literature -- interestingly, one of the women said they were mostly looking for Chinese-speaking residents to talk to -- but she gave me their booklets: one about evolution vs creation, and one about whether religion is good or bad. (Can you guess the conclusions of each of those topics?)
I perused the material, not because I was terribly interested in either one, but mostly because I don't know much about Jehovah's Witnesses. We have a few relatives who are Jehovah's Witnesses, and I have a friend who was raised as one but doesn't practice now, but I wouldn't have guessed that any of them were particularly religious had no one told me; they're not a very preachy bunch. Anyway, the only thing I was really surprised at was how many times the pamphlets made clear that Jehovah's Witnesses are not Fundamentalists ("We believe in the Bible! This is what the Bible really says!"). They also make sure to distance themselves from creationsists, because of the political implications of the term, though stating that "evolutionary theory and the teachings of Christ are incompatible" does, in fact, make them creationists. Other than these things, though, it was all pretty much as I expected.
So that's all the Friday fun around here. Busy weekend ahead, so you may not hear from me for a couple of days. Happy weekend, everyone.
03 September 2006
sunday photos
Most of the trail looked like this
But there were several swampy areas
Greg likes to climb
We saw lots of pretty flowers -- no idea what they are
The boys by a peaceful pond
I'll be out of town for a couple of day. Blogging should resume by Wednesday or so.
02 September 2006
explaining the unexplainable
Kim wrote a post recently called "Explaining the Unexplainable" -- about trying to explain to children things such as the purpose of fighter jets or the concept of war. We had a similar experience yesterday.
Greg, flipping through magazine: Wow, it's already been five years since 9/11?
Me: Yep, it happened just before James was born and he's almost five.
James, upon hearing his name come up: What happened just before I was born?
Me and Greg: .....
We kind of brushed it off, because how can you explain that airplanes were flown into buildings without explaining the terrorism that motivated it? And how can you explain the fact that some people will indiscriminately kill others, strangers, for the sake of some cause or ideology? I don't know how to do it; yet someday I know that I will have to do it, and that I will do it (though probably very clumsily).
This is some of the scarier stuff of parenting -- shattering your child's illusions of the world as a wonderful place, and helping them to understand the darker sides of humanity. When it comes to the big talks of parenthood, when faced with describing terrorism and hatred and religious fanaticism and the violence that comes with them, I find myself almost looking forward to having the birds and the bees talk instead.
01 September 2006
chocolate obsession
Those of you who know me know that I like chocolate. Just a little bit. So imagine my delight coming across this book in the library today: Chocolate Obsession. It was the title that drew me in, but then I saw the author's name, and I nearly swooned. You may or may not be familiar with Michael Recchiuti, but he is the creator of Recchiuti chocolates. Admittedly, I have never actually eaten any of his chocolates, because as much as I love chocolate, I'm not interested in being bankrupted by it. But I have spent a considerable amount of time drooling over the Recchiuti website, because damn. Those are the prettiest, most exotic-sounding chocolates I've ever seen.
But now! There is a book! And I can (theoretically) make my own Recchiuti chocolates! I have a feeling that my kitchen is woefully understocked for chocolate-making, and that even making Recchiuti chocolates wouldn't fit my budget, but nonetheless, the possibility now exists. I hardly ever set concrete goals for myself, because I am a lazy, unmotivated person, but I vow here and now that I will someday attempt to make Recchiuti chocolates.
Incidentally, in case you've been agonizing over what to get me for my birthday -- only 79 days away, after all -- you've now got an idea. The book or the chocolates; I'm not picky.
30 August 2006
i hate being busy
Well, even when all the travelling is over, things still don't slow down. After returning last week from Washington, we made a short trip out to my mom's last weekend to spend some time with her and go to the State Fair together. It was a nice weekend, if a bit rushed -- we went hiking on Moss Island*, where we managed, somehow, to not get poison ivy despite traipsing through a patch of it; the fair, of course was lots of fun: rides, farm animals, and greasy and/or sugary food. What could be better?
We've been home for several days in a row, but my preschooler is once again in high demand for playdates, so we've had lots of kid time. We also had the first parent meeting of the year for James' nursery school (though school doesn't start for another couple of weeks yet). Greg has been coming home for dinner and then going back in to work after the kids go to bed, so I haven't gotten to see much of him lately -- luckily I got my fill in Washington. And now that the fall semester is close to starting, I suspect I'll have some things to do for my community assistant position pretty soon. I feel like I should already be doing something, but I haven't heard from my employers in over a month, and haven't seen them since the orientation in June. I'm not complaining about getting paid for doing nothing, but I do feel a bit guilty about it.
This weekend we're going to a friend's for a Labor Day barbecque, at her parents' house on Canandaigua Lake. If the weather is nice, we're also going to try to do a little hiking. We have a book on local hikes, and we haven't done a single one -- kids are a little restrictive when it comes to good hiking -- but after the successful hikes we took them on on our vacation, we're ready to tackle the Finger Lakes.
In other news, my good friend Melissa is now blogging -- she is a wildly intelligent and wonderful woman, so check her out.
I'll close with a photo of my poor, accident-prone toddler. Today he was trying to climb on a tricycle that's a little too big for him; he tipped the trike over and landed pretty spectacularly on his face. The picture doesn't do it justice, but that is a big bruise on his forehead, and his nose is cut in several places. Poor baby.
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*Moss Island is a really cool place in Little Falls, NY, for which I can find very little online information, and no good pictures. It's an island with the Mohawk River on one side, and the Barge Canal on the other, accessible by a lock on the canal. It's geologically fascinating, with all kinds of unique rock formations, and it's popular for rock climbing despite being so small. Of course, I forgot to bring my camera.
25 August 2006
friday photos
Good news: our memory card has been found!
Bad news: it is still in Washington.
Good news: it is being sent to us!
Bad news: I am too impatient.
We do have a second memory card, with much smaller storage capacity, from which I eagerly downloaded photos last night, only to find that the card contains only 11 photos, none of which are of people, and most of which are blurry photos of salmon at the fish ladder we visited. But I will share a couple of interesting photos:
This is a crazy tree that we saw on our Sol Duc hike. We have no idea what that lump on the tree is, but it is clearly part of the tree, and extends in a full circle around the tree. Tree tumor? Who knows? I suppose if I weren't so lazy I could Google it and find out for sure, but alas. The laziness.
This is a wall covered in chewed gum, in Post Alley in Seattle (which is a cool but fairly creepy little alleyway). The photo can't really convey the true scale of the gum wall; it was rather amazing, which is why we took a picture. Also, beyond the plain gum, there were some more creative displays, such as the next photo:
Awww. I [heart] NY, written in gum on a wall. How could I not take a photo of that?!
Happy weekend, everyone!
24 August 2006
and we're back
Clearly, I lied about updating from the west coast. Who has time for blogging when you're on vacation? We're still getting settled here at home, so I still don't have a whole lot of time for blogging, but I thought I'd let my loyal readers know that I am still alive. And I'll give you a brief summary of the trip. And I wish I had some photos to post, but it appears that we've lost our memory card, so you'll have to make do with my descriptions and some internet photos.
Our kids were phenomenal on all of the flights, thank goodness. We got to see lots of Greg's family -- his sister came for a surprise visit; his 7-year-old cousin visited for a week to attend the horse camp Greg's mother was running; we were able to visit a few times with Greg's aunts; and we spent some time at his grandparents' house. We got to see Dawn and meet her boyfriend Derek; we got to see some of Greg's friends and have a kid-free couple of days in Seattle all at once.
Lots of outdoorsy goodness: we hiked at Hurricane Ridge, Sol Duc Falls, the Spruce Railroad Trail*, and I think there was one more hike I can't recall right now. We went to Salt Creek to look at tidepools, we went swimming at Lake Crescent, we picked millions of wild blackberries, and we went to the Clallam County Fair where we fed our boys nutritious foods like cotton candy and elephant ears.
Other fun included James' and Evan's numerous dance parties, Mentos-and-soda volcanoes, a little horseback riding for James, games of Settlers (and Seafarers) of Catan, Burnout Revenge (Evan is already becoming a video game addict), a viewing of Munich (which wasn't really "fun", but instead sobering, depressing, and disturbing, in an interesting way), and a visit to Herkimer Coffee.
All in all there was a lot of much-appreciated relaxation, and our boys got the chance to be just a little spoiled by Greg's family. I really wish we had photos -- I'm going to be annoyed if it turns out that our memory card really has disappeared for good. But anyway, we did have a lot of fun, though it's nice to be home again, too.
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*See the cliff on the right of the photo? Greg jumped off of it (only at a point highter than the picture shows) because the pool at the bottom ("the Devil's Punchbowl") is very very deep. It's safe, but it is a bit harrowing to watch your boyfriend jump off a cliff. Also, there is a very dark, cold, scary old railroad tunnel along this trail. Greg and his friends have even been known to go through it, but just standing at the mouth of the tunnel gave me the heebie-jeebies. Alas, I cannot find a picture online, but trust me. Creepy.
04 August 2006
westward bound
Tomorrow by this time we will be en route to the west coast, where almost two and a half weeks of fun and freedom await us. In addition to seeing Greg's family, I'm looking forward to more pleasant temperatures, beaches, mountains, horses, people to help us with kid care, time to read and perhaps even play the piano, a visit with Dawn, and hopefully getting to spend some quality kid-free time with my boyfriend. I'm not really looking forward to the many hours of airplane travel ahead of us, espcially considering that Evan's molars are presently coming in, but I think we will have enough books, food, and toys to survive.
I'm sure I'll be updating the blog from Washington; I'm less certain that I'll be able to post photos, but Greg's younger brother is a computer whiz, so we should be able to figure something out. I'll probably be even more sporadic than usual, though.
Until next time, whenever that may be!
31 July 2006
too hot for blogging
I've been comparing our weather with the weather in the Pacific Northwest, to where we'll be travelling at the end of the week for a much-anticipated vacation, and though they're apparently having a warmer summer than usual, I don't see anything above 81 degrees for their forecast this week. Hooray! Our weather here won't be too much warmer in degrees, but the crazy humidity makes me want to melt. Hey, Mother Nature? 75% humidity, without precipitation, is not cool.
In other news, even though I feel it's too hot to blog, it's apparently not too hot for frisbee, so I'm going to spend the rest of my energy this afternoon psyching myself up to run around and sweat buckets at my game tonight. To entertain yourselves while I'm not posting anything for a while, you can check out our July photos to get your fill of adorable kid pics.
28 July 2006
friday photo
I was confused when I heard Superman mooing this morning. "Who are you, Supercow?" I asked. But once James explained it to me, it made perfect sense for Superman to be mooing: if you misremember his name -- Kal-El -- and believe that his real name is "El Cow", then of course Superman can moo.
27 July 2006
essential nutrition vs the comfort of bystanders
Via Feministe, I came across this article about readers' reactions to the image of a breastfeeding infant on the cover of a parenting magazine. The ironic headline? "Why Women Don't Nurse Longer." Well, perhaps the common perceptions of a nursing breast being gross, inappropriate, or sexual -- all adjectives used by readers complaining to the magazine -- have a little something to do with it.
Okay, before I attack this article, let me start by saying that I am about as pro-breastfeeding as you can get. I think that many women make stupid excuses for not breastfeeding, because in a lot of ways it's easier not to; I think that despite our government's stated support of breastfeeding, it does very little in the way of actually supporting it by making it easier for women to breastfeed for the recommended amount of time; I think workplaces need to be restructured -- in many ways actually, but for the purposes of this discussion, to guarantee women maternity leave for those crucial early months when breastfeeding is established, and to allow women to continue to pump breastmilk in privacy and comfort once they return to work; I think our hyper-sexualized culture gives the sexual function of breasts far too much attention, when it is the far more important nutritional function of breasts that should be emphasized, if we are serious about being a nation committed to family values.
But apparently, people are only interested in promoting family values when it doesn't conflict with their personal comfort level. Quotes from the article:
- One mother who didn't like the cover explains she was concerned about her 13-year-old son seeing it. "I shredded it," said Gayle Ash, of Belton, Texas, in a telephone interview. "A breast is a breast — it's a sexual thing. He didn't need to see that."
- "I'm totally supportive of it — I just don't like the flashing," she says. "I don't want my son or husband to accidentally see a breast they didn't want to see."
- Another mother, Kelly Wheatley, wrote Babytalk to applaud the cover, precisely because, she says, it helps educate people that breasts are more than sex objects. And yet Wheatley, 40, who's still nursing her 3-year-old daughter, rarely breast-feeds in public, partly because it's more comfortable in the car, and partly because her husband is uncomfortable with other men seeing her breast.
- "In a survey published in 2004 by the American Dietetic Association, less than half — 43 percent — of 3,719 respondents said women should have the right to breast-feed in public places."
Listen -- anyone who's ever been around a baby knows that babies need to eat. Because when they don't eat, babies scream and cry until they are fed. And seriously, when you're out at a restaurant, what will annoy you more about the family sitting next to you -- a mother discreetly nursing her baby, or the baby screaming and crying because it needs to be fed and its mother feels social pressure not to nurse in public? And please, please, don't bring up the bathroom alternative. Because I have nursed a baby in a public restroom, once and never again, because it was disgusting and really uncomfortable. Think how many public bathrooms you're squeamish about even peeing in -- ladies, how many times have you hovered above the seat for fear of germs and disease? -- and now imagine trying to enjoy a meal in that locale. No way.
No, the only real alternative to breastfeeding in public is to breastfeed at home, to refrain from going out in public if there's a chance your baby will need to eat while you're out -- which is essentially the first six months of a baby's life, or until they start on solids. And that seems to be the attitude of some of the people quoted in the article: you may nurse, as long as no one has to look at it. Which is ridiculous. If we, as a society, agree that breastfeeding is the healthiest way to feed a baby, and if we, as a society, agree that women have the right to frequent public places without restriction, then by logical extension we, as a society, should support the rights of women to provide their babies with the healthiest food possible in any place where it's legal for that woman to be. We should be actively encouraging it! Saying that breast is best without taking action to back up that assertion is hypocritical at best, and harmful to mothers and babies at worst.
You know, I feel so strongly about breastfeeding and the right to nurse in public that I've always wanted someone to challenge me while nursing in public so that I could give them an earful. Unfortunately, I've never had the chance. Maybe I've always been surrounded by tolerant people, maybe I've always been oblivious to dirty looks or whispered comments. I did have the mother of a friend of ours ask me, while pregnant with James, if I was planning to breastfeed, and when I said yes, she replied, "Gross!" Seeing as I hadn't had the baby yet, and had never breastfed, I didn't know quite how to respond. I was offended at her rudeness, but didn't think much about her negative attitude, because at that point the negativity toward breastfeeding was something I had yet to encounter. Little did I know how typical her attitude was.
I'll end with my favorite public breastfeeding experience. Last summer, we were at the state fair, and when my then-two-month-old baby needed to nurse, I found an empty bench in the building we were in and nursed him. An older woman nearby noticed me and said "Good for you!" She told me that a few minutes earlier, she'd seen an anxious mother wandering around with a crying baby, looking for a private place to nurse. We both laughed about what a silly expectation that was at a place like the state fair. THe older woman looked around and said, "Besides, we're in the dairy building. What better place could there be?"
26 July 2006
the name game
With all the weddings I've gone to this summer, I've noticed something interesting. Even the most independent, liberal women I know change their last names when I get married. I know it's a long-standing tradition, but it makes me wonder how often anyone thinks about why women change their names, or if they do so because that's just the way it's done.
I find it interesting, too, that the only women I can think of who have not changed their last names after marriage are members of my family: my sister, my cousin, my aunt. (Am I missing anyone?) If I ever marry, I won't change my name. I've had my name for almost 25 years; having an unusual last name is something of a defining characteristic when you're growing up, and so I have some attachment to it. But beyond that, in recent years I've started considering the patriarchal origins of name-changing, and I'm uncomfortable with following a tradition that has its roots in what was essentially property ownership. The male is the default; children are named with their fathers' names to assert his paternity, and women are renamed with their husbands' names to signify the transfer of property from father to husband.
I know this is not the typical mindset nowadays; most married couples don't believe that one of them owns the other. Most people don't worry about the symbolic implications of name-changing. But I think it's useful to examine where our traditions come from and why we continue to follow them.
When I had James, we gave him Greg's last name because we planned on getting married at some point, and I thought I'd change my name at that point so that we'd all have the same last name as a family. But now that I"ve changed my mind about name-changing, and possibly marriage at all, I regret just a little bit not giving my boys my last name even as a middle name. Greg and I have talked about changing all of our last names to be the same, but my last name is too long for hyphenation, and our last names don't merge well into a new name. Maybe if we ever think of something appropriate for our family, we'll change our names, but until then we're going to live with different last names. This actually has never been an issue -- it's more of a problem for people that we're not married at all -- so it doesn't bother me much to keep it this way, though I do like the idea of identifying our family with a common last name.
But I feel that I'm something of an oddity for thinking so deeply about it. Most women change their names without stressing over it. Has the naming tradition evolved over the years along with the purpose of marriage and the roles of the spouses? Or is our culture holding on to a remnant of a more oppressive time simply because there's been no reason to change? I'm interested to hear others' thoughts on this; particularly if this is something you find worthy of consideration; if you think I'm making too much out of it; if you've had similar thoughts; if you think the typical woman considers this issue. Thoughts?
**Edit: I should clarify (because I wrote this really hastily earlier) that just because I find the origins of the name-changing tradition distasteful doesn't mean that I'm criticizing anyone who does choose to change her name. I realize that many people probably don't find the origins relevant today, and that people have their own reasons for changing their names. I think people should do whatever they want to do -- but I like to ask why we do what we do, as individuals, as human beings, as a society.
25 July 2006
becoming a connoisseur
I haven't had much time for blogging because I'm trying deperately to read as much as I can of Collapse for my book club meeting next week. It's a really interesting book, if a bit dry and slow at parts. I'm not hoping to finish it before the meeting -- I'm only about 150 pages into a book of 500+ pages -- but I'd like to make it maybe halfway through so I have something to add to the discussion.
But I did take a break from reading this weekend to go on my first-ever wine tour! It was a friend's birthday, so her boyfriend arranged for a van to drive a large group of us down to Seneca Lake to tour some of the many, many wineries there. I've never been much of a wine drinker, but I'm determined to make myself like it at least a little, partly because of the health benefits of red wine, and partly because wine carries a certain sophistication that beer and other alcohols do not, and I've spent far too long being completely, utterly clueless about wine. So I went with an open mind and tried lots of different kinds of wine. And now I have a little bit better of an idea what I like and what I don't.
We visited six or seven wineries. My favorites -- where I had what I thought were the best wines -- were Torrey Ridge and Red Newt Cellars, though at Wagner Vineyards I had one of the best ice cream cones I've ever tasted: amaretto cream sherry swirled with chocolate. Yum. At Torry Ridge I bought the one and only bottle of wine I purchased that day -- Summer Delight, a sweet, scrumptious wine that is described as tasting just like strawberry rhubarb pie. It is indeed strawberrilicious.
An all day wine tour was, I think, a bit long for my taste, but I'm glad I got to go and experience some of what the Finger Lakes are famous for, and expand my own tastes at the same time. The Finger Lakes area is such a beautiful setting for sampling wines on a perfect summer day. So even though I'm now behind in my reading, it was very much worth it.
17 July 2006
weekend photos
James, ready to swim
James swimming
(the beach wouldn't allow his bubble, so we borrowed a lifejacket)
Evan, splashing at the edge of the lake
James, after swimming
Evan in the bath after a long day at the beachwelcome home
We had a nice welcome home last night -- we came in to find that there had been some plumbing or pipe problems, or something, in the basement while we were away, and lots of water leakage ensued. So after putting the kids to bed, Greg and I spent almost three hours carting everything out of the basement, except for the couch, the washer and the dryer. We brought things outside to dry, found temporary storage for things that miraculously managed not to get wet, and removed three of our four area rugs, which were totally soaked and stained with moldy-smelling water.
Today we will be cleaning the basement from top to bottom -- mopping, scrubbing, drying, vacuuming. Then we need to return everything to its original place in the basement, after washing lots of things, particularly toys, that sat around in the nasty water. We have a ton of laundry to do -- all of the laundry that was already waiting to be washed in the basement, plus things that were stored and got soaked. We will need to go shopping, to invest in lots of plastic storage containers and shelving. Let me tell you, relying on cardboard boxes for storing toys and clothes is a baaaaad idea.
So much work to do... and we have to find out whether management will compensate us for anything that was ruined, since the issue was their fault. But I'm not holding my breath. And here I had all of these adorable photos from the weekend to post, but that will have to wait until all of this stupid annoying garbage is taken care of.
14 July 2006
friday photos, atkins for babies, and cool science news
First, the photos. We went to the new, improved Strong Museum yesterday and it was fabulous. As you'll see, the boys had a lot of fun there (well, James did anyway; Evan spent a lot of time wanting to be carried, since it was nearing naptime):
Brave Sir James
Sherlock James searching for clues
James the frightening dragon
James playing a giant electronic harp
Evan on a giant chessboardSpeaking of Evan, we are having issues lately. Who knew a thirteen-month-old had so much potential to drive his parents crazy? We're getting a lot of temper tantrums lately; now that he knows how to say "no", he uses it -- or should I say, screams it -- at almost every opportunity. Also, he has apparently decided to go on the Atkins diet without consulting us, because he has mostly stopped eating carbs. He'd be quite happy on a diet of meat and fruit, with some peas (far and away his favorite vegetable) thrown in. The only carbs he eats willingly are croutons and potatoes, sometimes a bagel. Oh, the kid would probably live on potatoes if I let him, but that's not exactly practical. So we are struggling a bit.
And now for something completely different. Yesterday I came across this article about one of the coolest archaeological finds I've ever read about: Fanged kangaroos? Tree-climbing crocodiles? Marsupial lions? A "demon duck of doom"?! I always knew Australia was cool, but this goes beyond my wildest imaginings, vaulting Austrlia from cool to totally bad-ass and amazing.
13 July 2006
dinner and a movie*
To steal an idea from Kim, tonight I'm presenting you with dinner and a movie -- or, more precisely, a recipe (which is not really dinner) and a recommendation (which is not very current), though that doesn't have the same ring to it.
We went to a salsa party for dinner tonight -- everyone brought a bowl of homemade salsa and a bag of tortilla chips to share. It actually turned out to be a contest as well, and mine didn't win, but I still thought it was pretty tasty. I kind of improvised, since I didn't decide until almost the last minute that we'd go, and I didn't have exactly the right ingredients for any recipe I could find, but it turned out nicely. Also, it's simple, quick, healthy, and yummy. What more do you need?
Peach Salsa
3 ripe peaches, peeled, pitted and diced
1-1/2 red peppers, seeded and chopped
onion (perhaps 1/4 cup? I didn't measure it), chopped
approx. 1 tsp dried cilantro (didn't measure this either)
dash garlic powder
1/2 of a lime
Combine peaches, peppers and onion; sprinkle with cilantro and garlic; squeeze lime juice over all; mix and chill. (I didn't have time to chill it, but I imagine it'd be even better once the flavors have had a chance to mingle for a while.) Serve with tortilla chips.
it is far too early to be discussing my son's sexual orientation
I had an interesting anonymous comment on my gender-bending post that I thought I'd address in an entirely new post. Anonymous says:
Not many women would be attracted to a man who wears "dingdongs" in his ponytail on tht top of his head, while wearing red nail polish on his fingers...and toes that are sticking out from under his skirt.
Your post regarding your son may be proof to what many say that being gay is not a choice. It is thought that people are gay at birth, no choice. Reading your post, I have to wonder if it will be his, or yours.
I've got a few things to say in response, in no particular order:
- The implication that a desire to wear a ponytail or nailpolish or a skirt is equivalent to being gay is a little odd. I've known boys and girls of both sexual orientations who have worn all of those, or none. Appearance is not a reliable indicator of sexual orientation.
- My son is four years old. Four-year-olds of both genders like to play dress-up, and to emulate their parents. Do you still look the way you did at age four? To assume that because he likes nail polish now means that he will do so throughout his adult life is pretty silly. I'm not still wearing jellies, and it's not because I'm afraid men won't be attracted to me if I do; it's because my tastes have changed over the last twenty years. Imagine that.
- Even if my son does choose to wear skirts when he's a man, so what? Any woman (or man) who will dismiss him out of hand based on appearance alone is probably not worth my son's time anyway. I'd much prefer -- and hopefully, he will too -- that he dates and/or marries people who respect his choices and value him for his personality, intellect, character, and all of the wonderful qualities he possesses.
- My post about my son is a personal anecdote, which is never "proof" of anything, particularly in a scientific sense. Also, I'm unclear as to what you're saying at the end, anonymous commenter. You wonder if what will be his or mine? His "choice" of sexual orientation, which you previously said may not be a choice?
I have wondered about whether my sons are/will be gay or straight -- not because my older son wants a skirt or because my younger son likes baby dolls, but out of a curiosity about their futures in general. "Will my son be gay?" ranks right up there in my mind with "Will my son play the piano?" Even if it is a choice, then it's his life and his choice to make. I don't consider homosexuality any less valid than heterosexuality, so I don't care whether he ends up loving men, women, both or neither. Whatever my adult son chooses to do with other consenting adults is really none of my business.
Also, on the matter of choice, the latest research leans against it:
"Birth order may steer some men toward homosexuality in a process that perhaps begins before birth. A new study finds that homosexuality grows more likely with the greater number of biological older brothers—those sharing both father and mother—that a male has. [...] It's possible that succeeding pregnancies with male fetuses trigger a maternal immune response. A mother's immune system may treat male fetuses as foreign bodies, attacking them with antibodies that alter sex-related brain development"
So with James being the oldest son, it's less likely that he's gay, but not impossible. If it's true that something in a pregnant mother causes a son to be born gay, then my work is done. It's decided. But regardless of the causes of homosexuality, regardless of my son's behavior, he is four years old. At four years old he is not homosexual, he is not heterosexual, he is not bisexual, because he is not sexual at all. He is a child. Anonymous seems to be more interested in my son's sexuality than his happiness, while I am far more concerned with his happiness than with what his sexual orientation may turn out to be and how that happens.
12 July 2006
rain rain, go away
Dear Mother Nature,
Enough with the rain already! Four hours might have been tolerable. Eight hours is moving into ridiculous territory. But twelve hours and counting? It's insane. Did we do something here in western NY to offend you, to make you want to punish us so badly with never-ending rain?
Ordinarily, a little rain wouldn't bother me, but here's the thing: the gutters are leaking over my back garden, and this is causing the well around my basement window to fill at an alarming rate, and once the water level hits the vent at the top of the window, it starts leaking into the basement. And so I am forced to venture out into the rain at regular intervals to stand in the increasingly mucky and flooded garden with a bucket, to bail out the well and prevent basement leakage.
What's the best part? The frogs! The idiotic, moronic frogs (or toads; I don't know the difference) who stumble into the window wells and are trapped in the rising water. So far I've saved two live frogs and fished out one dead frog. There's another who dives under the water every time I get near with the bucket, so I'm assuming I'll be removing his dead little body before long too.
So, thanks, Mother Nature, for giving me the honorable opportunity to rescue frogs -- I'm sure I"m a hero to them by now -- but it's really quite unnecessary to go on any longer. You've made your point.
Love, Heidi
11 July 2006
i have a weird kid
James, describing the taste of his jelly beans, announces flavors such as (in order of increasing weirdness) cherry, meat, grass, a heart, a hippoptamus, and November. When asked how he knew what a hippopotamus tastes like, James informed me that he and Greg have been fishing for hippopotamuses. I wasn't aware they'd been to Africa.
10 July 2006
weekend photos
On Saturday, we went berry picking at Brown's Berry Patch, which, in addition to pick-your-own berries, has a playground, some farm animals, and a store with delicious, delicious ice cream. Some photos:
Evan snacking in the strawberry fields
James climbing at the playground
Evan is in love with animals of all kinds
Who needs dinner when you've got toes?Some other notes from the weekend:
- Evan is crazy about blueberries (so is James, for that matter), and while Greg and James and I were picking, he figured out that if he stood on the wagon, he could pick his own. I'm not sure he got many ripe ones that way, but once he figured out how to get his own, it was nearly impossible to get him to sit again.
- We came home with over 11 pounds of strawberries, blueberries, raspberries and cherries. Some of it went in the freezer, but I'd estimate we still have at least seven pounds to eat. Now that's a lot of fruit.
- Greg and James went fishing for something like five hours on Sunday, and didn't catch any fish for dinner. Hmph. While they were out, I introduced Evan to Mr Potato-head, who he quite likes, and we leafed through a photo book of animals we have, which delighted Evan -- he's so into animals lately.
- James finally decided to have his hair cut, because he was tired of hair in his eyes. He wanted to go totally bald, but Greg and I thought that was a bit much, so he's got a buzz cut, just like last summer. Shortly after cutting his hair, we were watching the Wimbledon finals, and James expressed surprise upon seeing Rafael Nadal's long hair, wondering at the fact that it wasn't in his eyes. I had tried to tell him before we cut it that we could have combed his hair out of his eyes, too (I rather liked the long hair), but I guess he had to see it to believe it.
And that's the weekend update.
08 July 2006
book recommendations
This week I read two novels, which is something I haven't done in a long time. First, I hardly have time to read that much anymore, though summer is nice, because sometimes all you can do in the too-hot heat is lie around and read for a while. Second, I've been reading so much non-fiction lately that I haven't really been interested in fiction for a long time. So taking the time to dive into a couple of novels was really nice.
I read Song of Solomon first; I haven't read much of Toni Morrison's work, but what I've read, I've really enjoyed. Her prose, her language, is beautifully written, and the story was moving. The second book was White Oleander, by Janet Fitch; also a moving book, in a different way.
What I didn't realize before choosing these books was how similar they'd be. They're very different, in writing style, in setting, in plot, in characterization. But the central theme to both novels is of a character figuring out who to be beneath the shadow of his or her family and past. That both main characters were children strongly affected by their parents gave me cause for reflection as well.
I'm not very good at briefly re-capping plotlines, so I'll just say that if you like well-written, compelling novels with interesting characters and moving plots, and if you don't mind a little (or a lot of) sadness along the way, check out these books. Also, interestingly enough, both books have been chosen for Oprah's Book Club, so if that sort of thing matters to you, well, there you go. That's not why I chose them, but to me it's a good sign anyway. I won't read a book simply because Oprah said so, but I've found that the books she chooses are typically very, very good; wonderful, even.
Also, on the kid front, James has been obsessed with Dr. Seuss's The Lorax lately. I've read it to him several times over the last few days (every time we finish it, he immediately asks me to read it again) and he loves it so much he's even attempted to read it himself, which, for a book of its size (72 pages, according to Amazon), and his reading level and attention span, is pretty impressive. It's a nice little environmental tale, with all the charm of any Dr. Seuss. I remember loving it as a kid, too, so it's no surprise to me that James loves it so much.
Any books to recommend, for adults or kids?* We read just about anything around here.
__________________
*I love asking questions on my blog, because no one ever answers them. Don't worry, I like talking to myself. Don't think that just because you're reading this, that I'm talking to you.
07 July 2006
gender-bending
Having sons has taught me a lot about other people's ideas of gender roles and expectations. That we are raising James without strict gender roles seems to be confusing for a lot of people, and I think it's interesting to look at the reactions various people have to the appearance James chooses.
Any of you who've been reading this blog for a while are familiar with James' ponytail, which he wears pretty rarely now. Adults tend to think his ponytail is funny, but they usually take it in stride. Kids, though, particularly little girls, get a good chuckle over James' ponytail, telling him he looks like a girl. Kids have already internalized, before school age, that ponytail=girl. Even James thinks that's the norm, despite his own ponytails, and despite the fact that we know a few males with longer-than-average hair.
We had another gender incident recently, though, in which I found people's reactions quite curious. After seeing that I'd painted my toenails for one of the weddings we attended, James asked if I would paint his nails -- fingers and toes (and while he was at it, why not try on my heels, too? -- though that was not in public). So I painted his nails, and wondered what kind of reactions he would get. And to my surprise, kids, particularly little girls, don't seem to mind. In fact, several little girls have remarked that they, too, had painted nails, and compared their own to James', sort of bonding over it. Yet some adults we knew were confused. He had his nails painted for one of the weddings we went to last month, and several of our friends wanted to know why. Apparently "he wanted them painted" had not occurred to them. To some of them it was weird, I guess, that a little boy should want that at all.
So it's interesting to me that one stereotypically female trait -- a ponytail -- prompts teasing from his peers but little reaction from adults, while another stereotypically female trait -- nail-painting -- is accepted by his peers but questioned by adults. So far it's still clear to everyone that he's a boy (well, he was mistaken for a girl once while he was wearing a barrette my mom gave him to keep his hair out of his eyes, but otherwise it's clear). In behavior he's very much a typical boy -- running, shouting, climbing, sticks, stones, dirt -- but he's doing these things with painted nails and a ponytail.
One day, earlier this summer, James came home and told me that he didn't like rainbows anymore -- they're for girls. And butterflies are for girls too. "Pretty things are for girls." It kind of broke my heart a little bit. And I know that he doesn't truly believe that -- his rejection of rainbows and butterflies lasted all of ten minutes or so -- but to know that he already understands the cultural message that pretty things are for girls does make me sad, and a little angry. I mean, there's nothing inherently female about liking butterflies; it's totally arbitrary. That my son should, even for a minute, feel that he needs to deny an appreciation for pretty things in order to avoid an association with "girl things" makes me mad. That anything should be denied to my son, or discouraged, because of some arbitrary female classification, is ridiculous. I want my sons to have every opportunity, every experience they desire, and to let social pressures and standards limit their experience is, to me, unacceptable.
So my son likes to chase butterflies. He has a construction-paper rainbow hanging in his bedroom window. He wears a ponytail sometimes (though he's considering cutting his hair -- he's interested in a mohawk) and he likes to have his nails painted. Lately he's been asking me for a skirt. (At first he was confused about what a skirt was -- he made a remark that skirts don't have sleeves, to which I replied, "Well, no they don't.. do you actually know what a skirt is?" He didn't, yet once I explained and showed him some, he is still asking for one.) And I may actually get him a skirt. I'm learning to worry less about what other people will think of him, and to be more concerned with allowing James to make his own choices, to feel confident about himself, and to stand up for himself. I used to deny him things (the sparkly pink Dora the Explorer sandals he wanted a couple of years ago come to mind) to try and protect him from what I anticipated other people's reactions would be. Now I'm starting to think that it's more important to teach him to deal with other people's reactions for himself, to talk about the cultural standards that provoke those reactions and why we don't believe in the same standards.
Who made the rule that only girls can wear skirts, anyway? Ridiculous.
06 July 2006
just because
Just because I like poetry, and because it's July, I'm posting a Sylvia Plath poem that I particularly like:
Poppies in July
Little poppies, little hell flames,
Do you do no harm?
You flicker. I cannot touch you.
I put my hands among the flames. Nothing burns
And it exhausts me to watch you
Flickering like that, wrinkly and clear red, like the skin of a mouth.
A mouth just bloodied.
Little bloody skirts!
There are fumes I cannot touch.
Where are your opiates, your nauseous capsules?
If I could bleed, or sleep! -
If my mouth could marry a hurt like that!
Or your liquors seep to me, in this glass capsule,
Dulling and stilling.
But colorless. Colorless.
why i love summer
Last night we took a walk along the canal, picking the first of the ripening blackberries that grow wild along the banks. James and Greg fished (James caught the only fish of the evening) and Evan and I watched ducks.
I love summer nights more than the days. I like the summer days, too -- there's a sense of freedom to summer that doesn't really exist in any other season. Today is a perfect summer day: sunny, warm, a light breeze, low humidity. The possibilities are endless on a day like today. But most days, the oppressive heat and humidity leaves me longing for relief, for the sun to set and the heat to subside. The days are hot, humid, busy. But the nights are cool and peaceful and still. We grill dinner and eat outside as the sun is setting. The picnic table is covered with foods like watermelon, potato salad, hot dogs, strawberries, green iced tea, summer beers. We eat popsicles. We watch the fireflies take over the back field after darkness sets in -- we see as many fireflies as we do stars. We fall asleep to the humming of the window fans as the cool night air drifts in.
What do you love about summer?
05 July 2006
happy (belated) 4th of july
Again, I've been too busy for blogging. Busy having fun, that is. Pouring rain all yesterday morning made us worry we wouldn't be able to do anything fun, but it eased up and dried out and we did have a nice holiday.
Here's the big news: James caught his first fish! He and Greg both caught a few, apparently (Evan and I stayed home for napping purposes), but they were too small to keep. The other major event of the day was a small barbecque we had -- we had just a few friends over, but lots and lots of food. I tried making homemade ice cream sandwiches, which were not half bad. And of course, there were fireworks. We watch the fireworks from a hill in a park overlooking the city, where we have a nice view of the city fireworks, as well as a couple of displays further north, without the noise and crowds that come with being closer to the fireworks. Both kids were up until close to eleven last night -- neither would sleep before the fireworks -- so we're having kind of a low-key day today.
Since this was the first 4th of July where James was old enough to understand some of the history behind the holiday, I had a lot of fun recalling stories and facts about the Revolutionary War and the Declaration of Independence and so on. I did have some help from a cute book we found at the library: John, Paul, George and Ben, which talks about several of the founding fathers (Hancock, Washington, Franklin, and Jefferson, as well as Paul Revere, who is not a founding father, but an interesting historical figure). The book has a nice mix of history and silliness, and James was pretty interested in hearing about the war. Sadly, my knowledge of the Revolutionary War (or any war, for that matter) is not very extensive, but I think he does have a good idea now of the basic idea of the thing.
I hope all of the Americans reading had a nice holiday as well (and for the couple of non-American readers here, well, I hope you had a nice Tuesday).
29 June 2006
a milestone of sorts
Today, for the first time ever, James made his own lunch. All I had to do for him was get the peanut butter out of the cupboard, and take the lids off of the peanut butter and jelly jars. He made the sandwich, he cut it in half, he popped open his own yogurt, and history was made, at least in his short life.
I know this is not a big deal, objectively. A kid makes a sandwich; so what? My mom tells me that I was making my own sandwiches at four, so I shouldn't be surprised. And I'm not surprised, really. And I'm not really going to miss making sandwiches for him. But it's that bittersweet idea of growing up, of giving your child more freedom and responsibility. I guess it's not so much the sandwich-making as what it represents: another small step away from being a little boy, and a step toward his own eventual independence.
I'm too sentimental. In other news, June photos are posted over at the Yahoo site. (Most of them have been posted here, but there are a few extras there.)
28 June 2006
misplaced priorities
This morning, I read that House Republicans are developing an agenda to vote on "priority issues" this summer. What do you suppose those priorities are? The costly war that is dragging on and on? Global warming? Alternative, renewable energy sources? The millions of children without health insurance? Here's a surprise: the issues I (and many other Americans) consider priorities are not in line with the GOP.*
No, the "American Values Agenda" tackles the really important issues, such as gay marriage, protecting the Pledge of Allegiance from "activist judges", prohibiting "human" (ie, stem cell) cloning, and protecting certain right of gun owners. According to Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert:
"The American Values Agenda will defend America's founding principles. Through this agenda, we will work to protect the faith of our people, the sanctity of life and freedoms outlined by our founding fathers. Radical courts have attempted to gut our religious freedom and redefine the value system on which America was built. We hope to restore some of those basic values through passing this legislative agenda and renewing our country's commitment to faith, freedom and life."
Well, thank goodness. Don't let the inconsistencies get to you though -- like, for instance, that the "sanctity of life" applies more to embryos than to actually living people with diseases that stem-cell research could potentially help cure. Or that an agenda ostensibly working toward freedom seeks to deny certain Americans the freedom to marry. (Speaking of protecting freedoms, I wonder if Mr Hastert is a member of the ACLU? Something tells me... no.) The value system used by the founding fathers is still good enough for us -- surely we haven't learned anything in 230 years that might prompt us to update it!
The idea of prioritizing has been on my mind lately, particularly when it comes to the environment. My book club is about to begin reading Jared Diamond's Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed, and one of our members sent us a link to a review of the book. Now, I'm sure I'll better be able to comment on this once I've actually read the book, but this blurb from the review is interesting:
"He identifies five factors that contribute to collapse: climate change, hostile neighbors, trade partners (that is, alternative sources of essential goods), environmental problems, and, finally, a society's response to its environmental
problems. The first four may or may not prove significant in each society's demise, Diamond claims, but the fifth always does. The salient point, of course, is that a society's response to environmental problems is completely within its control, which is not always true of the other factors. In other words, as his subtitle puts it, a society can "choose to fail.""
On top of this, I've just finished reading Scott Weidensaul's Return to Wild America, which talks largely about ecology, and wildlife preservation and management, but also looks critically at a few of the Bush administration's environmental policies, including those related to water distribution (diverting water sources away from ecosystems dependent on that water, for agricultural use), fire management, and logging, among other things. To one one's great surprise, I'm sure, the Bush adminstration has a history of favoring humans over wildlife and the environment; the policies described in the book are misguided at best, and downright destructive, in environmental terms, at worst. Add to this that the administration and Republicans in general still have their heads in the sand about global warming, and it's not a pretty picture. The environmental policies of the Bush administration, when looked at from an ecological perspective and in the context of Diamond's theory, could be seen as leading our society to its downfall.
Maybe that's a bit pessimistic of me, but the current government doesn't give me much cause for optimism when it comes to preserving the planet. I do hold out hope that things will change in the near future -- maybe there will be a political turn-around for environmentalism after the elections this fall; maybe Al Gore's movie will change some minds, if anyone actually sees it. I don't believe that things necessarily have to get worse before they get better. And I think I have to be hopeful, for my kids' sake. They're also the reason I need to be pro-active. This planet is the home we're leaving to the next generation, and all the generations that follow.
So when the Republicans get up in arms about gay marriage, or Internet gambling, or the Pledge of Allegiance, I do get discouraged. I understand the worry about the moral state of society -- I may disagree, but I do understand -- but I think that these things are secondary to preserving a healthy environment in which to have a society in the first place. If we can't properly manage our land and our resources, the eventual competition over these things will accelerate the decline of traditional morality in some ways, I think. I think it's likely that we'll wipe out the human race before we destroy the planet, but I would love for the two of us to peacefully coexist for quite a while longer.
_______________
*To be fair, I do think a few of their proposals are sensible -- the regulations on Internet gambling, ensuring the freedom to fly the American flag, and prohibiting the government from confiscating legal guns during a national emergency. I just don't think that any of these issues are "priorities" by any stretch of the imagination.
why i both love and hate this job
Love:
27 June 2006
brotherly love
Tonight we were listening to the band James, and our son James got confused with the same-name bit. I told him that lots of people were named James, and so our clever son decided to change his first name. When you're four years old and share a name with many other people, apparently the logical step is to rename yourself Clone.
And since James was getting a new name, he chose one for Evan, too: Loser. Sweet kid, huh?
uh-oh
Evan has finally learned every parent's least favorite word: NO! He's understood the word for a while now (without choosing to obey it, naturally), but now he's moved on to saying it himself. I think our friend Jaime is to thank (blame?) for this, as she spent quite a while practicing "no" with him at the wedding this weekend. Right now it's at a cute stage: a spoken "no" along with the head shaking and a mischievous little grin, but I know from experience that it's only a matter of time until No becomes much more serious, loud, and defiant. Let's hope Evan takes a long time to move onto that stage.
26 June 2006
weekend photos and a video
James loved the disposable cameras on each table at the wedding reception
James and Evan hugging
James jumping around like a crazy child And the video, of our adorable son dancing his heart out at the wedding reception -- he was the hit of the dance floor that night. Unfortunately the video is kind of dark and not great quality, but I think you'll get the idea:
22 June 2006
on the road again
So tonight, we are off to Vermont by way of Ilion. And for this weekend's long car trip, we are bringing the kids, which I expect to be a rather disastrous experience. James is easy, and used to riding in the car, but Evan is a bit less predictable. Evan also has a good ear-splitting shriek. So I'm a little worried. Hopefully he'll sleep a lot, and be content with snacks and toy cars. But with a needy, shrieky baby, you never can tell. Wish us luck.
We'll be going to another wedding this weekend, but probably having considerably less fun than last weekend, thanks to having the kiddos. I mean, kids are obviously fun in their own way, but we haven't yet done a wedding with them. Well, James has been to one wedding, a couple of summers ago, but there we had a set of grandparents as well as an aunt to help keep him entertained and supervised. So we'll see how this goes. And this is actually our last wedding until next year, so even if it goes badly we won't have to do it again anytime soon.
Hmmm... it sounds like I'm complaining there, which I really don't mean to do, because I am looking forward to the weekend. But I'm trying to have realistic expectations -- with children, you learn to expect the worst, and then you're often pleasantly surprised. Hopefully this will be one of those occasions.
21 June 2006
19 June 2006
there's nothing like a weekend away from the kids
This weekend, for the first time since before Evan was born, Greg and I ditched the kids for a weekend away. We went with some of our friends to the wedding of some of our other friends on Long Island, and it was really only an overnight -- we got there Saturday afternoon and left early Sunday afternoon -- but that was more than enough time to cram in a healthy amount of fun, and even a little craziness.
The wedding was lovely, and it was nice to see so many of our college friends in one place, but for me the best part was really that lack of parental responsibility. I felt years younger for a night -- which is to say that I actually felt 24 for once, instead of the 30 or sometimes 40 I usually feel. And spending some carefree, uninterrupted time with Greg was really wonderful too -- we got to hang out with each other, and actually have complete conversations! Amazing. There was lots of food, drink, and dancing, and good time spent with good friends. And no diapers, no crying or screaming, no whining, no nose-wiping or being climbed on. Relaxing.
Of course, it was nice to get back to my mom's and see the kiddos again. They had a great time with Grandma, but they missed us a lot too -- particularly Evan, who hates being away from us even for an hour or two -- so we did have a nice reunion. Greg had to leave early this morning for a two-day trip to Delaware and Maryland, so I've quickly gone from childfree to single parent, but I'm feeling so satisfied after the weekend that I don't even mind Greg being away for a couple of days -- though it's pouring rain and thunderstorms today, so I may change my mind about that before too long.
13 June 2006
i thought summer was supposed to be relaxing
Things have been too busy for much blogging lately, I'm afraid. Instead of the warm, sunny, lazy June days we should be having right about now, we've had cool, breezy, October-ish weather (today is the first day in almost a week that we've seen the sun for any meaningful length of time) and no time to relax.
Greg was away for most of last week, and my mom was here for some of that time. With Grandma, we went to the zoo, went shopping, went out to dinner, and went to frisbee games. Because our frisbee league started last week, overlapping with the end of Greg's spring season, and the injuries have already begun: Greg landed on his shoulder during a dive and is very sore now, and I've got shin splints from trying to run again after so many months without physical activity. James' preschool year ended last week, with a flurry of school-cleaning, special projects, last good-byes, and the end-of-year picnic, which we ended up missing because James was sick, we think due to exhaustion. Greg and I are supposed to start training this week for our community job, and I'm trying to figure out how to find a babysitter for the boys when I still don't know when they training will be. The next two weekends we are traveling to Long Island and Vermont for weddings, throwing in some visiting with my family along the way. We've got a few doctor's apointments in the coming weeks, and one more yet to schedule, though without knowing when I'll be training, that has to be put off for now as well.
So. We're busy. But I kind of lied when I said we get no time to relax; James' pirate pics are proof that we've got some playtime. And the frisbee games are looking as though they'll be a lot of fun for all of us this summer. I'm just the kind of person who likes to have a lot of open space on the schedule, and so far we're too busy for my liking. Particularly when sore shins are making it painful to walk.
11 June 2006
pirate sunday
Meet Bravebeard (nevermind the lack of beard), the youngest pirate ever to sail the high seas. Accompanied by his pet parrot, Bravebeard sails on a cosy couch-cushion pirate ship under the traditional skull-and-crossbones flag, on a mission to steal medicine. Add in a curious, pesky little brother tagging along and we've almost got a sitcom here.
05 June 2006
a year in review
Today is Evan's first birthday. One year ago today, I was in labor with Evan at this time, probably not yet to the screaming and the uttering-every-cliche-in-the-book stage ("I can't do this anymore", "Get him out of me", "I don't want to have this baby after all", "I think I'm going to die"), but I wasn't comfortable, I'm sure. My labor lasted almost 17 hours from start to finish (and the experience of childbirth without painkillers has firmly convinced me that I'm done having biological babies), but (here comes another cliche) it was all worth it. Evan arrived at 12:41pm, and we chose a name we'd hardly been considering because it seemed to fit so much more than the others (leading contenders up to that point were Elliot and Ezra, among others I can no longer recall, and no, we weren't consciously trying to choose an "E" name, we just happened to like a lot of them).
And we have had a busy year. This is Evan one year ago:
And this is Evan a few days ago, sitting on the stairs, his new favorite place to relax:
At one year old, he is walking, climbing, and communicating. (Still not sleeping through the night, but I'm confident that will happen someday.) He uses sign language: "more" and "drink"; he says a few simple words: out, doggie, Daddy, tree, flower, banana, ball, cow (and moos, or rather, "doos"), car, shoes, down (many of these can only be understood by Greg and me, but he is consistent and intentional, so it counts); he understands much more than he can say and he can follow simple commands.
Over the year he has been steadily becoming more vocal and social, though he can be very shy, and very attached to Mom and Dad. Evan is also very persistent (he is not easily distracted when he really wants something, and along with this he can become very loud and demanding -- the kid has a great shriek), affectionate (very snuggly baby), observant (he likes watching people, particularly kids), and rather reserved. Like everyone else in this family, Evan is pretty laid-back most of the time, and loves the outdoors. He is learning to play independently, he likes music, he is starting to enjoy books more and more, and he still loves to eat -- favorite foods include, well, just about anything.
This year has come and gone so quickly. It has been amazing to watch my baby growing up. We have had our challenges, to be sure, but in retrospect they don't seem nearly as important as the accomplishments. And now it is just about time to say goodbye to babyhood, and hello to the toddler years.
03 June 2006
birthday baby
Evan's birthday isn't until Monday, but Greg is leaving tomorrow for a conference in Vancouver, and will be gone all week, so we had a small party for Evan this evening. Evan, true to form, was rather subdued, but enjoyed the cake and managed to make a good mess anyway. Thanks to our experience with a sugarless carrot cake at my niece's birthday party, we loaded the kids up with a sugary chocolate cake with chocolate and vanilla frosting. It's a pretty cute little panda, if I do say so myself.
And I know you're thinking, get to the photos already! So here they are:
The innocent panda, unaware of the fate about to befall him
Evan didn't understand the idea of blowing out the candle
A first taste of chocolate cake
First birthday cakes are as much about playing as they are about eating
Evan, quite satisfied at the end of the evening
Poor little panda's night was not quite as enjoyable -- but he's still smiling.
02 June 2006
friday photos
James, ready for the sprinkler
James and Greg fishing
Cool baby in shades
