tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17551211.post115395302652467156..comments2023-10-20T09:11:13.584-05:00Comments on It's a Jungle in Here: the name gameHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14894131042735833767noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17551211.post-1155009708784174332006-08-07T23:01:00.000-05:002006-08-07T23:01:00.000-05:00Heidi, I think your last names would merge beautif...Heidi, I think your last names would merge beautifully into a new last name: how about Schmergenthaler? What, no? ;-)<BR/><BR/>I thought long and hard about name switching. I also thought long and hard about which name to put on my college degree, since I did most of the work as a Chase, not a White. I have lots of ties to my last name, but I ultimately chose to keep it as my middle name, where it can make an appearance when it suits me, but I can also have a shared family name without hyphenating. In some company (such as my hometown church where people only know me by maiden name) I hyphenate it to be Chase-White. My full name is printed on my checks, and it's in my email address. So, even though I took my husband's last name, my former identity hasn't gone by the wayside. <BR/><BR/>Mike and I know a guy whose last name was Butts, and needless to say, he took his wife's name when he married.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17551211.post-1154046623214027212006-07-27T19:30:00.000-05:002006-07-27T19:30:00.000-05:00I think much of a woman's decision depends on her ...I think much of a woman's decision depends on her ideas about her own identity and how much of that identity is tied up with her name. I've had a friend tell me that she was looking forward to having a new identity when she got married and that's why she changed her name. I personally love the symbolism of hyphenating last names, but aesthetically, that just wasn't an option. As for my own rationale on keeping my name, I think it is an important feminist statement that women be given and exercise the same options as men. Once men are as likely to make the same sacrifice of their names as women, and are as willing to make the same concessions about their identities for the good of the entire family (as women do now), then I would feel more comfortable about making the same choice myself. <BR/><BR/>That being said, many women just aren't that tied to their last names and I suppose keeping your father's last name could be seen as perpetuating the same patriarchal tradition. It's also a great big hassle not changing your name - even in this day and age, people get rather confused. <BR/><BR/>I also feel strongly about my kid(s) having my last name even just as a middle name - that it's not just the father's identity being passed down but the mother's as well. As an amusing side note, Jon was pretty unconcerned about me not changing my name, but he is rather adorably patriarchal in his strong desire that his children do carry on his name.kimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07964409227553670322noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17551211.post-1154042350644038622006-07-27T18:19:00.000-05:002006-07-27T18:19:00.000-05:00call me a painstaking feminist, but I think keepin...call me a painstaking feminist, but I think keeping your last name is just a small step in the path to equality. if a woman is pledging herself to her husband, where is that equal pledge on his behalf? if you are pledging yourselves to one another, how is it that only one person gives up spmething?<BR/><BR/>doing things without thinking about them or just to follow tradition is dangerous. where would this world be today if no one stopped to rethink convention? we cannot be equals while lurking in the past's shadows.<BR/><BR/>if a couple isn't into hyphenations, there are other options. why not choose a last name different from both people's last name. if the whole idea is to bring family unity, why bring it together with paternity? starting something new (such as a unique family name) is a great way to consumate a new family.<BR/><BR/>if it is such an easy task to give up one's last name, then why don't men just casually take their wives names? the very fact that they don't is positive proof that taking a man's last name isn't just thoughtless tradition-it still has deep planted roots.<BR/><BR/>miss you thanks for getting my mind going<BR/><BR/>melissaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17551211.post-1154032222837097942006-07-27T15:30:00.000-05:002006-07-27T15:30:00.000-05:00Ren, I imagine most women think about it to some e...Ren, I imagine most women think about it to some extent; I don't know how deeply or seriously any of my friends have thought about it. But I don't get the impression that it's a big issue for most people I know, especially considering how traditional and conservative many of our friends are. Also, I suspect that I put much more thought into issues of gender and patriarchy than anyone else I know.<BR/><BR/>I know you're struggling, and I'm sorry it's hard for you. Is Mike open to anything less traditional, like hyphenation (though that would be a mouthful)? For some other perspectives, look at my friend Becky's post (if you click her name in the comment above I think you can get to her blog that way). One point she brings up that I really like is that name-changing can be an affirmation of the choice you have made to marry and commit to your husband.Heidihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14894131042735833767noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17551211.post-1154025590192475342006-07-27T13:39:00.000-05:002006-07-27T13:39:00.000-05:00do you know for sure your friends didn't put any t...do you know for sure your friends didn't put any thought into their decision?<BR/><BR/>believe me, i'm agonizing over this... i can see both sides, the individuality of keeping my name and the let's-be-a-family aspect of changing it. and i have no idea what i'm going to do...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com